Project Red Spin-Off Show!
by regenengel3
Summary: Project Red, Code Freelancer should be read first. The multi-verse. Such a wonderfully odd place. Here are a few stories from around the 'verses, each with an element of Project Red in them. Our hosts shall explain more fully.
1. Introduction!

**Introduction!**

*The screen lights up to show a booth similar to a sports announcer's box. Inside is a man wearing purple power armor. A toy-sized hologram of another man, dressed in green-purple power armor, sat on the table beside the mic.* "Wow. Regenengel3 doesn't usually do prologues. What gives?" asked the hologram. The man shrugged.

"This isn't like her usual stories. She just wants us to introduce the premise, Chi," he said, addressing the little hologram. It tilted it's head as though curious.

"Premise? Seriously Doc? You're gonna pull out the big words already?" he asked. Doc gave Chi a blank look, made much easier by his full face helmet.

"You're an A.I. You should know what I'm talking about," he said tonelessly. Chi shrugged.

"Yeah, and Alpha should be able to aim," he said with the voice of a teenager.

"Touche," Doc allowed, inclining his head toward the A.I. to acknowledge the point.

" **Get on with it you two, I want to start this thing!** " a young woman said, popping up in the second chair. Chi saluted.

"Yes ma'am, O Author!" he chirped. Doc sighed, head in his hand.

"You'll have to excuse him, we're still working on his manners," he drawled, regarding the little hologram with something approaching reproach.

" **Doc...** " the brunette woman said pleadingly, her blue-green eyes flickering toward the camera.

"Right. Ahem. Welcome to the Project Red Spin-Off Show! I'm Frank 'Doc' DeFreanse..." the man said, straightening in his chair.

"And I'm Chi 'The Sarcastic One' Church!" the hologram said, snapping off another cheeky salute.

"And we'll be your hosts as we follow Project Red's adventures in parallel realities. Some will be native and others will wonder just how they managed to reach these new and... interesting... worlds," Doc said, starting strong but trailing off with what sounded like a wince.

"Heh heh! We get to screw with their heads good!" Chi laughed, rubbing his hands together evilly.

"Oh Master Chief, the flashbacks..." Doc moaned.

 ***THUD***

"Ha ha! Lightweight!" Chi laughed as Doc's head hit the table.

" **Chi! Behave! You** _ **know**_ **what your brother O'Malley did to him!** " the woman snapped, glaring at the A.I before eying the table in mild worry. There was a slight dent in the heavy oak.

"Sorry sorry, it was just too easy!" Chi said, not sounding sorry at all. Regenengel3 groaned, head sinking onto crossed arms.

" **Ugh, why did I choose a Church to co-host this?** " she moaned, sinking further into her chair.

"The alternative was a Grif?" Chi offered. Regenengel3 looked up in thought, then shrugged and sat up straight.

" **Good point. Continue,** " she said, waving a hand imperiously at the A.I. and passed out man.

"Uh... shouldn't we wake Doc up?" Chi asked, poking Doc with his holographic finger. Regenengel3 cupped her chip, giving the passed out man a considering look.

" **Hum... another good point. Well, I guess that's good... wait. I know! Chi! The disclaimer! You can do the disclaimer for me!** " she said, leveling The Finger at the A.I.

"What? Why would I do that? You do own us... don't you?" Chi asked, rather confused.

" **Nah, I don't own you. The changes made to your personality... or... Doc's personality. You didn't get more than a mention. Sorry Chi,** " regenengel3 said, mildly apologetic.

"Ah well. Can't have it all can we? Okay! Regenengel3 does not own any characters from Red vs Blue. Uh... is there... ?" the little A.I. said, turning to the woman to make sure he didn't leave anything out.

" **I don't own the weapons, locations, or food of Red vs Blue, RWBY, Naruto, or whatever other world my** _ **altered**_ **characters get dropped into,** " regenengel3 added with a mildly evil grin.

"Wait... why the emphasis on altered?" Chi asked, edging away from the woman slightly.

" **Chi... Project Red isn't really mine. They belong to Rooster Teeth. I just... played around with their past, gave them proper training, and forged them into actual soldiers rather than crazy lucky idiots. Which was pretty much the only way they survived to make it out of Blood Gulch at all,** " regenengel3 explained gently.

"Wait... I thought they were still crazy lucky idiots," Chi said, still confused, but for a different reason. Regenengel3 smirked.

" **Ah ah, not quite. They're crazy, lucky, idiots. Easy enough mistake to make really,** " she corrected.

"Ah... is this that elusive grammar I've heard so much about?" Chi asked.

" **Yes, Chi. It is. Would you like me to give you a lesson?** " regenengel3 asked, smirk still firmly in place.

"No thanks regenengel3. I don't think we should insult the intelligence of your readers like that," Chi said, waving his hands in front of himself. Regenengel3 chuckled faintly.

" **Or you?** " she asked knowingly.

"Heh heh... saw through me huh?" the A.I. asked.

" **Yeah. Well, I think we've rambled enough...** "

"WAIT! We didn't mention Marley! You do own Marley don't you?" Chi suddenly remembered.

" **Oh yeah! I do! Borrow her, or two of her teammates from Beacon, with permission please! She's not known as the Surgeon of Death in the RvB!Verse for nothing, don't ya know!** " regenengel3 said cheerily, though it was a little too toothy to be pleasant.

"My reference sense is tingling..." Chi muttered.

" **Oh, one last thing, this Spin-Off Show was inspired by a suggestion from RandomManGaming to write about Marley at Beacon. Because I was unsure if I could make it a full length story, I decided to make it a series of One Shots!** " regenengel3 continued as though she hadn't heard him.

"And it somehow turned into this?"

" **What can I say, my muse is a fickle cat creature thing. She also likes to run on dino bones.** "

"Again, my reference sense is tingling..." Chi said, a little louder.

" **Honestly, I don't know what's up with that... anyway, so long and thanks for all the reviews!** "

"Now it's jangling..." he moaned, head in his hands.

"Ugh... anyone got some orange juice? My head's killing me," Doc moaned, pulling his head out of the table.

" **... No comment,** " regenengel3 said, standing and walking out. Doc looked to Chi, who shook his head and vanished. Sighing, the medic got up and left in search of a nice, bracing, glass of OJ. *The image freezes as The Media Guy turns off the camera.*

/*/

The Media Guy had seen many things in his life. This... was par for the course sadly. Though, he had to admit, an author chatting away with the characters she was playing with was always fun to see... until they over played the gag. He really hoped regenengel3 wouldn't. She had promise. " **Hey Media Guy! Stop that! You're making it sound like I'm bragging!** " He sighed. Right. She was writing his thoughts. Whelp, time to do the job she wrote him for and make sure the Introduction was ready for distribution. He shook his head as Doc walked past, hand to his head and Chi rambling on at him from the other side. If the Introduction was any indication, this would be an interesting run.

"Wait... that was seriously all?" Doc asked, looking in the Media Booth. The Media Guy shrugged.

"Regenengel3 _did_ say this was just the introduction didn't she?" he asked, eyes never leaving his laptop screen.

"And you're editing the video on a Toshiba?"

" **His name is Tobi. Tobi is a good boy, yes he is!** " regenengel3 said, stroking the top of the screen and playing with the almost frayed purple zebra stripe duct tape on the corners. Doc turned on his heel and marched out.

"We shall never speak of this," he hissed to Chi. The green-purple A.I. fragment mimed zipping his lips. "Good," Doc said with a nod. Who knew that author could be so... odd.


	2. Show 1

*Red vs Blue theme played, showing clips of our loveable idiots before The Booth came into view. Doc was already sitting on the right hand seat, Chi once again beside the mic.* " **Chi!** " regenengel3 said, stalking into the Booth.

"What?" the A.I. asked.

" **Disclaimer!** " regenengel3 barked, pointing a Dramatic Finger at him.

"Do I have to? I just did that yesterday!" he whined, slouching slightly.

" **Do you want to get sued?** " regenengel3 asked, quirking her left eyebrow at him he froze before slowly turning to her.

"... We'd get sued?" he asked in a hushed voice.

" **Not sure, but I'd rather not find out!** " regenengel3 admitted, far too cheerfully for the Church.

"Regenengel3 does not own RvB, RWBY, anything, or anyone from those franchises. Marley and two of her teammates do belong to regenengel3 and should not be used without permission from regenengel3. Now that that's out of the way..." Doc said, sounding rather bored and maybe a little vindictive.

"DOC! You... you..." Chi stammered, staring at the man. Doc turned to him and tilted his head.

"What?"

"You stole my part?!" Chi exclaimed, halfway between impressed and angry.

" **Ugh... just start this thing would you?** " regenengel3 asked, smiling awkwardly.

"Right right. Ahem. The Media Guy!" Chi called.

 **{Show One: Team JEMC}**

"I'm Frank 'Doc' DeFreanse!"

"And I'm Chi 'The Sarcastic One' Church!"

"Ever hear of Hunters? What about Remnant?"

"What do scraps and food gatherers have to do with jem-see?" Chi asked, turning toward Doc.

"Team JEMC. A team of two Hunters and two Huntresses. An intrepid team of teens who train day in and day out to protect the people of the... Kingdoms!" Doc said, floundering slightly as though he had been meaning to give the number of kingdoms but forgot before he spoke.

"Yeah but... why jem-see?" Chi pressed.

"Now shush, look! There's young miss White at the gates of Beacon, the illustrious High School of the Hunters," Doc said, dodging the question with all the skill of a Blood Gulcher. Blood Gulchers were highly skilled in the conversational arts after all.

"Now you're making my reference sense tingle..."

/*/

Marley rolled her shoulders under the straps of her backpack. She just couldn't seem to shake the feeling that there were an untold number of eyes on her. It made her antsy. She didn't like being antsy. She didn't like ants.

/*/

"Whoa! Doc, are you getting this?!" Chi asked, flickering slightly in surprise.

"Overreaction is my thing Chi. And if you're referring to Marley's thoughts, yes. I'm getting it."

"But... how?"

" **Do not question my powah!** " regenengel3 said with a goofy grin. Doc and Chi shared a look before turning to the author.

" _Never talk like that again, regenengel3,_ " they said as one. The young woman pouted, sinking lower into her seat.

" **Yes sirs.** "

"Well, while you're here... Why is she stuck on ants?" Chi asked.

" **... Would you believe me if I told you I have no clue?** "

"Ah well. On with the show!" Doc said cheerily.

"Did you happen to give him a personality transplant?" Chi asked the author sitting beside him

" **No.** "

"But..."

" **It's elementary my dear Chi. He's gone round the twist, leaving his rocker behind in the sands of time, and cracked from all the insanity, brushes with death, and total solitude. Not to mention O'Malley.** "

"Ah. Right. On with the show!"

/*/

The feeling of eyes on her had dissipated and, with a smile, Marley strode off the docks and into her new life... as a Huntress in Training. Okay, so it wasn't all that different than Signal, but now she was on a floating island! Who wouldn't be excited their first day? "Hey! Marley!" called her best friend from Signal, Emily. She grinned and jogged to catch up with her girl-friend.

/*/

"Uh... I thought Marley had a thing for Flowdie?" Chi asked, looking toward regenengel3.

" **She does Chi.** "

"When a group of girls are friends, they will sometimes call each other 'girl-friend.' It's... help me out here regenengel3!" Doc tried to explain.

" **Marley's straight, Emily is just her best friend and thus one of her girl-friends. I know, us women are pretty confusing. Deal with it,** " regenengel3 stated bluntly.

"There you go then," Doc said, gesturing toward regenengel3.

"Humans are weird," Chi said, shaking his head. Regenengel3 and Doc just chuckled.

/*/

"Hey Em! You as excited as I am?" she asked. Emily snorted.

"No-one is as excited as you are, White," she said with a smirk. Marley rolled her eyes.

"I think you'd be surprised," she said. Emily quirked an eyebrow.

"Ever hear of Summer Rose?"

"Ah. Right. Point to you," the other girl said, crinkling her nose slightly. Summer Rose had quite the reputation for being excitable and flighty, though put a Grim in her path and a scythe in her hands and you wouldn't know it. "So... Beacon. Do you think we're ready for this?"

"Emily. You're one of the smartest, quickest, people I know. Add in my penchant for whole sale destruction and we're golden!"

"Don't you mean 'off white'?" Emily teased. Marley gave her a flat look.

"Ha ha, haven't heard that one before, Gray," she deadpanned, plainly not amused.

"Right right, sorry," Emily said, holding up her hands in a placating motion before getting serious. "But really, do you think we'll even survive initiation? I heard Headmaster Ozpin throws the Freshman class off a cliff into the Emerald Forest on the first day. And what if we're not on the same team?" Marley grew serious as well.

"Emily... we're two of the best medics to come out of Signal in three generations. Any team we land on is going to be lucky to have us, and we'll be lucky to have them. Now, stop whining and let's go! The Welcome Ceremony's about to begin!" she said, throwing an arm around her friend's shoulder and dragging her off, uncaring of her protests.

/*/

"Well. Marley sure seems like a carefree, happy-go-lucky, Huntress-in-Training," Doc said, a little surprised at the difference.

"Yeah... nothing like the scary competent Agent Black that we know and fear," Chi drawled, only partly sarcastic.

"Well Chi, I believe it's because she's younger, still kinda sheltered, and has a whole bunch of other super powered, scary competent teens surrounding her. Not to mention the fully grown Hunters and Huntresses. I mean, look at the Headmaster!" Doc replied, motioning toward Ozpin as the camera swooped in to show thing more in his point of view.

/*/

He eyed the new Freshman class with impassive eyes. Another batch of fresh faced, bright eyed children who thought they were amazing heroes. Oh, how it burned, watching generation after generation of Hunters and Huntresses train and fight and _break_. That was what he hated most, watching them inevitably break. How many generations had it been? How many times has he given this speech, whipping them into a frenzy of wounded pride and burning determination to _prove him wrong_? He'd lost count. See? He'd given this exact speech so many times he didn't even have to _think_ about it he just _said it_. Ah, but what was this? There, right in the middle of the assembly. Sharp blue-green eyes, slight smirk, and one of the odder guns he'd seen strapped across her back. She also seemed to favor darker colors. He mentally checked the class roster and matched her face to a name. Marlene White. Hum. Ironic. This was a girl to keep an eye on. Maybe she would survive.

/*/

"Yesh! Broody much?" Chi asked, drawing back slightly. Doc nodded in agreement and leaned forward slightly.

"Indeed. But don't you notice something else about him Chi?" he asked.

"Oh yeah! He sounds like Wash! I wonder why?" the A.I. replied.

"Eh, alternate reality weirdness?" his co-host suggested with a shrug. Chi didn't even pause to consider.

"Works for me!"

/*/

Marley felt Ozpin's eyes on her and flashed him her signature feral grin in reply. It may have been her imagination, but she thought she saw him quirk his eyebrow. SCORE! She had the Headmaster's attention! Oh wait... she had Headmaster _Ozpin's_ attention. Hum. Was that good or bad?

/*/

"Considering what I saw of Wash's training sessions, especially with Tucker, I'd say mixed with a heavy leaning toward bad," Chi said 'sagely.'

"I completely agree," Doc said with a nod.

" **Hey peanut gallery! Shut up!** " regenengel3 hissed, peeking over her laptop screen.

"... Now I want a peanut," Doc muttered quietly.

"I never knew you were so brave Doc, defying the author like that," Chi whispered, shaking his head in a mildly mocking fashion. He wisely didn't comment on her seemingly stealing 'Tobi' from The Media Guy. Or had it been the other way around?

" **I will offline you, mouthy little A.I.,** " regenengel3 growled, glaring at the little hologram. The Booth fell silent.

/*/

Ah well, whichever it was, she'd take it in stride, like she did with everything else. Sleeping arrangements were made with Emily and they spent the night in relative peace, treating it like a massive sleepover. The next morning was full of excitement as the new students of Beacon Academy gathered on the cliffs overlooking the Grim filled Emerald Forest. She was barely listening as Ozpin told them to use their own landing strategies and that the first person they met eyes with would be their partners. Sounded like a poor way of choosing teams, but whatever. If it worked, who was she to argue, right? Oh, and they'd have to retrieve a 'relic' from the 'forest ruins' to be called students of Beacon. She rolled her eyes and prepared herself for the launch. This was going to be fun, she could tell. "And, Lift off!" she cheered as her launch pad activated, leaping off of it to give herself extra lift. She twirled through the air like a ballistic bullet before pulling on her aura to protect her and her secondary weapon to stop her rotation. Soon, she was falling toward the forest floor in a mildly controlled fall. Her primary weapon made an appearance in its melee form that was reminiscent of a Shepard's crook, which she used to hook onto a branch and spin around it before jumping to a lower one, bleeding off momentum as she went. Landing more or less smoothly on the forest floor, Marley grinned and brushed a few stray leaves from her coat. "Well, that worked," she remarked happily before she walked off to find her new partner, though she'd be lying if she said she wasn't hoping to run into Emily first. Of course, her luck wasn't that great and she ran into a small pack of Beowolves instead of her mildly sadistic best friend. "So not what I was hoping for," she growled, shifting her Crook into it's long range mood and firing syringes filled with explosive dust at the Grimm. The scuffle attracted another student, a red head with a GunBlade. Seeing a Beowolf about to attack the syringe slinging girl, he leapt out of the tree and cut it down before placing himself back to back with her.

"Is it always like this with you?" he asked with a smirk. She scoffed.

"Survive and I'll let you know," she remarked coolly. He laughed and they separated, her weapon shifting to melee form as she spun and twisted around the monsters. Soon, the clearing was full of dust and ash with two barely panting teens in the middle. "You're not too bad," Marley said, planting her Crook in the ground beside her and resting her arms on it. "Got a name?" she asked. The redhead put away his GunBlade and turned to her with a smile.

"Jay Simmons," he said, holding out a hand.

/*/

"I knew he looked familiar! Regenengel3! I thought you said you made up her other two teammates!" Doc said accusingly, turning to the young woman. Indeed, Jay Simmons did in fact look a lot like Rick, but with flare and a cocky attitude.

" **I did! But this is a merging of the two worlds remember? And besides, Roosterteeth never mentioned Simmons' dad. Also, there are other people with the name 'Simmons' in the multi-verse. A lot of them. And consider Marley's age as well,** " regenengel3 rambled.

"I didn't think she was that old," Doc said musingly.

" **You're very kind Doc, but fact is Marley's at least 40 in her main story. Pairing her with Simmons' dad, or someone who looks like they could be his dad, here isn't too far fetched.** "

"PAIRING?!" he squawked, nearly falling off his chair. Chi wisely withheld his comments.

" **Not like that! Just on the same team. Jeez, so touchy. Now shut up and let's finish the show alright?!** " regenengel3 snarled, glaring at both of them.

" _Yes ma'am,_ " they said, quaking in the face of her wrath.

/*/

"Marley White. Thanks for the assist there Jay," she said, taking his hand and giving it a firm shake. He laughed again.

"Don't mention it! So, I guess this means we're partners?" he said. Marley shrugged, picking up her Crook and putting it back in it's holder across her back.

"Guess so. Eh, there are worse I suppose. Come on, let's find those relics and get back to the cliff," she said, walking off.

"How do you know it's that way?" Jay asked, jogging after her.

"Because, we were sent into the forest from the North, the center was somewhere South East. I'm headed in a mostly South Eastern direction," Marley said, still walking.

"Uh... how do you know you're headed that way?" Jay pressed. Marley gave him a confused look that slowly morphed into shocked dismay.

"You have no sense of direction... do you?" she asked, her voice a whisper. Jay chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck and blushing faintly.

"Took me five months not to get lost at Signal," he admitted.

"Wait. You went to Signal?" Marley asked.

"Yeah, Mrs. Church's homeroom," Jay answered.

"Ha! Mr. Red's!"

"No foolin'?!"

"Favorite combat teacher?"

"Had to be Qrow, though he wasn't around often."

"Hum, I liked Kimble myself, but that might be because she's Emily's aunt."

"Wait. Emily Gray?" Marley laughed at Jay's shocked face.

"Yep! We've been best friends since grammar school," she told him.

"Huh. Well, I guess I'll have to face my crush sooner rather than later," Jay said, looking away with a faint blush.

/*/

"Let me get this straight. You made a character based off this vague idea of Rick's dad... and then paired him... with Dr. Gray?!" Doc said, barely restraining himself from shouting. The chair would never be the same though. Rest in peace armrests!

" **Breath, Doc. Breath,** " regenengel3 instructed, trying to get the man to calm down.

"No no, I agree with him. That's weird," Chi piped up.

" **Ugh. Churches,** " regenengel3 groaned in vexation.

"What have you got against church?" Chi asked.

" **Nothing... unless you mean Alpha Church and then I've got a laundry list. But that's for another time. Let's check in with Emily, shall we?** "

"You're hedging," Chi pointed out, suspicious.

" **Am not,** " the writer scoffed.

/*/

Emily was rather pleased with the partner she ended up with. A blond by the name of Caleb Valkyrie who wielded a grenade launcher mace.

/*/

Chi and Doc stared at her. " **Oh stop looking at me like that! So I'm borrowing names, it doesn't mean either Jay Simmons or Caleb Valkyrie belong to Roosterteeth... right?** " she tried. They slowly turned away, but their eyes remained on her.

"You get off on a technicality, miss Engel," Doc said slowly.

"Seriously. Reference. Sense. It's killing me!" Chi moaned. He wasn't sure what Doc had referenced, and it was likely regenengel3 didn't either, but it felt like a reference dagnabit!

" **No-one cares Chi.** "

"*Sniff* I care."

"Don't feel bad Chi, she does this to everyone," Doc said in a would-be calming voice.

" **Do not!** " the aforementioned 'she' denied, glaring at the two.

"What about 'Journey of the Mind' huh?" Doc prompted.

" **So not the same,** " she said, dismissive.

"Ri~ght..." the medic drawled.

/*/

He had helped her take out a pair of boarbotusks and thus, they were partners. They worked well together and Emily hoped he didn't turn out to have a grating personality off the battlefield. Together, the pair made their way to the center of the forest. When they arrived, they met up with... "Marley!" Emily cheered, catching her friend in a crushing hug. Marley laughed and waved her partner up. Emily took in the solid shoulders, strong arms, large sword, red hair, and cocky smirk before nodding. "Yep, figures Marley here would pick up a guy like you," she said before jerking a thumb over her shoulder. "Caleb Valkyrie." Marley leaned around her friend to take in the second male of the quartet and nodded.

"Mace. Nice. So! Relics?" she said, returning her attention to her friend. Both turned to regard the ruins and found black and gold...

"Chess pieces?" Emily questioned. Marley shrugged and her partner picked up a gold rook. Emily picked up the second gold rook.

"I would have gone for the Knight rather than the Castle but hey, whatever floats your boat," Marley remarked, following after them.

"Hush, you don't get a say. And if I'm right, these pieces were set out in pairs to form four man cells, one team two pairs of partners. So, by picking up matching 'relics' we end up on the same team. So no complaining!" Emily shot back with a grin. Marley rolled her eyes.

"I don't know, I think she's got a point. Horses are cooler than castles," Caleb said, though the mischievous light in his eyes gave away that he was joking. Emily gave him a dry look.

"Ah well, Jay picked the Castle, you followed along, what's done is done and we're a team. No fighting over it, okay?" Marley said, trying to end the fight before it began. Emily rolled her eyes and Jay smiled, a real smile instead of his little smirk.

"I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship," he remarked. The other three all groaned.

"That was one of the cheesiest lines I've ever heard!" moaned Caleb. Jay chuckled.

"Always wanted to use that one," he confessed. Marley chuckled and soon, the whole team was laughing as they walked through the forest, headed for the cliffs... Marley in the lead.

/*/

"Jay Simmons, Emily Gray, Marlene White, Caleb Valkyrie. You retrieved the golden rook pieces. You shall form team JEMC lead by... Jay Simmons," Ozpin said, eying the team. Marley's smirk was just the same as it had been during the opening speech, Jay's mouth was hanging open in shock, Emily was grinning, and Caleb's eyes were shining. It looked like the boy was barely holding himself back from jumping for joy.

"Why me? Jay asked softly. Ozpin gave him a Look and he stood straighter before giving the Headmaster a nod. Sleeping arrangements would be interesting, with two guys and two girls in the same room, but they'd make it work. They had to.

/*/

*The Booth filled the screen as Beacon faded out. * Doc blew out a breath. "Well, does that answer your question about JEMC, Chi?" he asked. The hologram nodded.

"Yep. Still, a fight scene would have been cool."

" **I gave you the Beowolves! Wasn't that good enough?** " regenengel3 asked plaintively, hiding behind 'Tobi.'

" _Meh_ ," Doc and Chi said with a shrug. Regenengel3 pouted at them.

" **Meanies,** " she muttered childishly. Sighing, she turned to the camera. " **Okay, so it wasn't exactly the opening to RWBY, and their team name isn't a color, but come on! It's actually really hard to come up with names that can spell a four letter color with their initials! Props to Roosterteeth for that one. Let me know what you thought of this short down in the review box. Next up... a common 'what if' scenario with a regenengel3 twist on it. Hope you like it!** " she said before reaching forward and turning the camera off.


	3. Show 2

*Once again, the Red vs Blue theme played with clips of the two teams scrolling by before The Booth came into focus, Doc and Chi sitting in their spots. * "Well, here we are again," Doc said.

"Indeed. And let it be known that regenengel3 does not own RvB, it's characters, locations, or weapons. The idea behind this story, the idea that Caboose has sisters, and the thought that they might be Spartans is also not hers," Chi said.

" **Hope you enjoy it!** " the author said, popping into being in the left chair. To his credit, Doc didn't even jump that time.

"I'm Frank 'Doc' DeFreanse!"

"And I'm Chi 'The Sarcastic One' Church!"

"Once again, we are your hosts for the Project Red Spin-Off Show!" Doc declared.

" **Today's show is based off a request by Boggie997. He asked me to write a Spartan!Caboose story where he and his sisters were a Spartan team.** **Well... here's my take on this monster of a 'What If...' I'm fairly sure there will also be a Smart!Caboose Show but... I'm not saying when!** " regenengel3 said before vanishing once again.

 **{Show Two: Margret... Caboose?}**

After everything they'd gone through together, it was a little hard for Tucker to believe they'd never heard about Caboose's past. Church had talked about his. It wasn't much and turned out it was mostly imagined, but the guy had talked about it. Tucker had told them a little about his past. But Caboose had only mentioned his seventeen sisters and his father once. Only once, and only in passing. "Hey Caboose, what were your sisters like?" he asked the simple soldier. Caboose hummed, tapping his finger to his chin.

"Like me, only girl like," he said. Tucker sighed.

"That's..." he began, though he wasn't sure what to call it. Unhelpful? Scary? Something he hoped never to see?

"Hey, Tucker! We uh... we might have a... situation. Out here," Church yelled. Shaking his head at Caboose, as well as Church, Tucker headed outside. He was greeted by the sight of a large, armored woman.

"Oh. Situation. Right. Because you suck with women," Tucker said, eying the newcomer with slight trepidation. Dang it, had he just jinxed himself?

/*/

"No~! Whatever gave you that idea?" Chi drawled. Doc groaned.

/*/

"This is Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha, right?" she asked. The men nodded. "Where might I find Spartan Micheal – 61?" Tucker and Church shared a look.

"Uh... the only Micheal we know is Caboose, but he's not a Spartan," Tucker said, turning back to her.

"Hum. May I come in?" she asked. Tucker easily moved aside, welcoming her to their base. As soon as they entered the main portion, the woman's helmet focused on the dark blue soldier standing by the flag. "Micheal?" she asked. The young man turned, tilting his head.

"Hello. How are you?" he asked.

"Oh, right, I got different armor," the woman said, reaching up to take off her helmet. Caboose stared at the woman, then gasped dramatically and latched onto her.

"MysisterMargret!" he squealed. Tucker blinked.

"Okay, that's something I will never be able to unhear. Or unsee," Church remarked.

"I never realized how unsettling that would be," Tucker muttered, wondering if they had enough beer for him to get black out drunk.

/*/

Doc and Chi were in near catatonic shock. "Huh. Caboose can squee," Doc remarked numbly.

"Why did he have to latch onto her like that?" Chi asked.

"Uh... sibling love?" Doc offered, sounding unsure himself. Chi's holo shivered.

"Ugh, don't suggest something like that," he moaned. "I so feel for Big Bro right now. Uu~gh," he groaned.

/*/

"Wait. He said, 'my sister Margret.' You're... Caboose's... sister?" Church said. The woman, Margret, nodded.

"Captain Margret – 44, at your service," she said.

"Margret Margret! This is my Best Friend Church! He's really funny! And this is the flag! Don't let people touch it, it is important for some reason that no-one will tell me. And that is the ramp! It is an important place. And over there is..." Caboose rambled, causing Margret's small smile to change into a confused frown.

"What happened to you, Second Lieutenant?" she muttered. Caboose stopped and turned to her, tilting his head curiously.

"What do you mean, Margret?" he asked.

"Yeah, what? Caboose? A Second Lieutenant? I think you've got your Mikes crossed," Tucker said.

"Ours is an idiot," Church confirmed.

"All this time, hunting you down, and you've been here, degraded by your new team... it must have been hard for you, Second Lieutenant," Margret said. Caboose just tilted his head curiously at her.

"They are not degrading me. They are my Team," he said as though this were the most obvious thing in the world.

"So... you really didn't know?" a new voice asked, causing the four to spin around. There, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed in a deceptively relaxed posture, was Agent Orange.

"Know what?" Margret asked, nervous of what the Agent had to tell her. He sighed, his head sinking slightly.

"There was an unfortunate string of accidents after he arrived here in Blood Gulch, Captain. First, he managed to insult his acting CO's ex-girlfriend. Then, he let the flag get captured. After that, his teammates really didn't like him, so they either ignored him or told him to do meaningless jobs. Somehow, not too sure when, his armor was 'rebooted,' forcing him to hold his breath far too long. Also, Church somehow convinced poor Caboose that gasoline was lemonade," the Agent said, looking up. "I find myself seriously curious as to how you did that Church," he said, giving the Private a serious look. Church shrugged, not looking all that keen on giving up his secrets. "After that there was a malicious A.I. by the designation of O'Malley that infected his armor's systems, messing with his mind. Then two 'ghosts' jumped in and shot up the place. Sad to say ma'am... his mind is damaged beyond repair. I'm sorry, but the Second Lieutenant you knew is gone, Captain." Margret whimpered, sinking to the floor with her head in her hands.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I should have been here. I should have stopped them. I'm sorry, so sorry," she chanted, rocking slightly. Agent Orange sighed and strode forward to stop right behind her.

"There was nothing you could have done. He insulted Church's ex-girlfriend, whom he's a bit obsessed over; insulted both his teammate's intelligence and utterly failed to drive a tank, resulting in the creation of one of the 'ghosts' that shot up his head. Honestly, his fate was sealed the moment he landed," he said, as gently as he could while still being brutally honest, not to mention blunt.

/*/

Doc winced. "Harsh," he muttered.

"Honest. And personally, I think that was the only way he could have broken it to her," Chi countered with a shrug. "But, really, dang Caboose! How are you still alive after becoming convinced gasoline is lemonade?!"

"He is a medical mystery, I'll give you that," Doc said, nodding seriously.

/*/

Margret sighed, leaning back against the wall. Agent Orange shifted uncomfortably, thinking about how he'd feel if someone told him the same things about Kai. "Listen, I understand how hard this is for you, how it twists at your heart," he said, sitting beside her, offering a shoulder.

"How?" she whispered. He glanced over, taking in how defeated she looked.

"I'm a big brother and my sister... well. Let's just say she's a wild child," he said, hating the look on the woman's face. She rolled her head over to look at him, a question in her deep blue eyes. "She joined the army not too long after I left, not wanting to be alone. Our dad wasn't the best and mom... well. I'd just as soon say we don't have one," Orange told her.

"Hang on... this sounds familiar," Tucker said. "And who knew Agent Orange had a sister?"

"And why does this sound familiar?" Orange asked.

"Kai," Tucker said, just as the girl in question came into view.

"What about me?" she asked.

"Hey," Orange said, nonchalantly raising a hand in greeting.

"Ah. Hey, Orange. What brings you here?" Kai asked. He shrugged.

"Being the bearer of bad news sadly," he answered, nodding toward Margret. Kai turned her attention to the now curious woman.

"And that would be... ?" she asked.

"Captain Margret Caboose," the older woman said, holding out a hand to the Sim. Kai gave an 'ah' of understanding.

"You're one of Caboose's sisters then?" she said, taking the offered hand.

"He's told you about us?"

"In passing."

/*/

"Seriously, though, Caboose really hasn't talked about his past has he?"

"Considering your past, are you sure you want him to?"

"What are you getting at, Chi?"

" **Ugh, Red vs Blue Back Stories,** " regenengel3 groaned, appearing in her chair. Doc and Chi slowly turned to her.

"Again, what are you getting at?" Doc asked.

" **They always seem to be depressing!** " the young woman declared, waving her arms frantically. " **Take Doc for example. Abandoned by his parents. Eagle, older brother killed over a computer program. Dex, emotionally abused by his parents and step-mom. Kai, practically raised by her brother and with a longer list of tragedies than I want to get into. Rick, pressured to be the best by his father and traumatized by a pretty girl. Red, PTSD. Church, a tortured A.I. based on the tortured mind of a brokenhearted scientist. Tucker... actually, I'm not too sure what his sad back story is, but I'm sure he has one! And** _ **don't**_ **get me started on Felix and Locus!** " Doc and Chi leaned away from her.

"Whoa... yeah... you've got a point," Chi admitted, Doc nodding along beside him.

" **Yeah well, I had intended for Doughnut to have a decent home life but...** " regenengel3 trailed off with a shrug. " **Red vs Blue hit and BOOM! Depressing back story.** "

/*/

Margret sighed and took the younger girl's hand, allowing herself to be dragged up off the floor. "So, you're Kai?" she asked. The yellow helmet bobbed before focusing on the gray visor of Agent Orange.

"You didn't warn her about this, Bruha?" she asked. He shrugged, putting up his hands and stepping back slightly.

"What do you want from me? I told her Blood Gulch has a way of twisting people," he said. Kai groaned, rolling her head on her neck before snapping around to glare at him and stomping her foot.

"You should have said he might not be the same!" she snapped.

"I thought it was understood!" Orange said, taking another half step backward.

"That's not good enough!"

"Oh, like you could have done better, Kaikaina!"

"You better believe I could, _Dexter_!" Kai snapped, pushing her helmet into his personal space.

"Wait... Agent Orange... is actually..." Tucker started, pointing one finger at Orange and the other at Kai.

"Way to go, Lil Sis, you just blew my cover," Orange said, taking his helmet off. Margret turned to look at the face of her guide... then froze in numb shock. Seeing her expression, Kai bust out laughing. "It's not funny Kai!" Dex snapped, frowning at his sister. "Do you know how hard it's been trying to keep the Blues in the dark about this?"

"Dude, I don't think that's why she's laughing," Tucker said, nodding toward the still stunned Margret. Dex turned and saw her pole-axed expression and answered with an unimpressed eyebrow raise.

"Captain, that really isn't your best look," he drawled. Margret shook herself and looked away.

"And here I thought your voice was sexy," she muttered. Dex's eyebrow climbed just a little higher.

"I thought Spartans didn't have those kinds of feelings," he remarked. Margret gave him a cocky smirk.

"I'm a Caboose. We don't do normal," she remarked. Dex blinked, then threw back his head and roared with laughter.

"Well said! Allow me to properly introduce myself. I am Private Dexter Grif, First Class, Senior Agent of Project Red, weapons expert, field medic, and designated driver/pilot. A pleasure to meet you, Captain Margret Caboose," he said, giving her a sweeping bow and a self-assured smirk of his own.

"No," Caboose said, as serious as he never was. Dex blinked and looked over at the... was he trembling?

/*/

Doc leaped back from his seat with a loud, "OOH!" Chi flickered and looked after his host.

"What was that for?" he asked.

" **Caboose done got serious,** " regenengel3 remarked. Doc jerked his head toward her.

"Whoa! When did you get here!?" he asked. She shrugged.

" **I know when I'm needed,** " she remarked, as though this were the most normal thing in the multi-verse. Actually, when Doc took a moment to ponder that, he decided it was about par for the course and let it go.

/*/

Suddenly, the Agent was feeling inexplicably nervous. "Uh... no what, Caboose?" he asked, backing away from the other man's sister _very_ slowly.

"I don't like it," Caboose stated, moving to stand beside his... was she _resigned?!_ How many guys had Caboose scared off? And didn't _that_ sound wrong. "You're not good enough for my sister." Ho boy. Dex wasn't sure, but he had a feeling Caboose was glaring at him.

"I would just like to go on record as stating... She totally started it man!" he said before snatching his helmet and booking it from Blue Base, snapping it back into place. And not a moment too soon it seemed, if the hail of bullets the tore after him was anything to go by.

/*/

"Yeah... I think that's a good place to call cut!" Doc said, managing to look a little disturbed while wearing a full face helmet and power armor.

" **Seriously, I've been working with you lot for I-don't-care-to-remember-how-long and I _still_ don't know how you manage to emote through your helmets!** " regenengel3 pouted.

"It is one of life's great mysteries," Doc remarked 'sagely,' nodding imperiously.

"Seriously, it's like your a completely different person during the show and then when you're put back in contact with the 'real' Reds and Blues, you're a total..."

" **O~kay! That's enough from the peanut gallery!** " regenengel3 said, using her Author Powers and clamping a hand over the A.I.'s mouth. Doc blinked.

"There is only so much that can be explained..." he muttered, shaking his head at the impossibility of what he was seeing.

" **Author Powers, Doc. Author Powers,** " regenengel3 told him, extremely smug and sipping on a root beer.

"Right. That's it. I'm done. Until next time folks, I'm out," Doc said, picking up his scanner and leaving. Regenengel3 turned to the camera and shrugged.

" **I have no clue what his problem is. I'm only using my Creative License,** " she said, holding up a cheesy card that looked like it had been drawn by a five-year-old and then laminated with invisible tape. " **Anyway, if you have a request or suggestion for this Spin-Off series, feel free to either drop a review on your way out or shoot me a PM. Laters!** " The brunette smiled happily at the camera and switched it off.


	4. Show 3

*Once again, the Red vs Blue Theme played before The Booth, Doc, and Chi came into view only this time, regenengel3 was already sitting in the left chair. * " **Chi!** " regenengel3 declared, pointing dramatically toward the A.I.

"Right. Regenengel3 does not own RvB," the program reeled off.

"And yet it feels like she owns us. How is that possible?" Doc muttered, half to himself half to Chi.

" **Silence Slave!** " regenengel3 barked, glaring at the man.

"Got a point there Doc," Chi said with a sage nod, wisely deciding to say nothing about her return to the 'voice of heaven'.

" **No seriously, it's time to start…** " regenengel3 began only for The Media Guy to cut her off by displaying the Title Card.

 **{Show Three: Meet your Past}**

" **That,** " regenengel3 said, slumping slightly.

"HO! Cut off by the opening! So sad~!" Chi remarked, poking at her. He mentally cursed his lack of physical form.

" **Oh shut up, you mouthy A.I.,** " the young woman growled, pulling out a comically large red button with the word 'OFFLINE' on it. Chi mimed zipping his lips and The Booth minimized, allowing a street corner to be seen.

/*/

Dexter Grif, age thirteen, really didn't want to be boarding this bus. He didn't want to be leaving his sister, and _really_ wanted to be taking care of her. She'd gotten sick over the weekend and by now she was running a fever and throwing up. Dexter knew his dad wouldn't be of much use and so had been dialing the school to beg off when his father had taken the phone and called in for Kai. Then he hung up and shoved Dexter out of the house. Left with no choice, he had trudged to the bus stop and stood there, brooding. He sighed... and then the world broke. No really! It did! How else could you explain the bus stop vanishing in a flash of white to be replaced with this weird place made out of concrete and gray mist with six other thirteen year olds. None of them spoke, they just started walking forward, as if drawn toward something. Finally, one of the other teens, a blond, asked, "Who are you?"

"I could ask you the same thing," the kid with the sandy blond hair and gray eyes snarked back. That was when they saw this group of guys dressed up like SPRATANS. A really tall, broad guy in really scary, but also _really_ cool orange and gray armor growled,

"Oh, that had _better_ not be who I think it is," while looking at a slightly smaller guy in red and gray as though it were his fault.

"AH! Scary monster!" the smallest blond, there were three, yelled, staring at the men. The one who had growled before chuckled at them.

"Kid, if you think Dex is a 'monster' just from his growling, you ain't seen nothing yet!" the one in maroon and gray said, turning to face them.

"Oh shut up ya geek!" the first soldier snarled, smacking Maroon. Dexter was beginning to feel a little too far out of his depth. Just who were these people? And why did whatever happened happen to make him meet them?

"I'm not a geek!" Maroon said with a gasp, complete with dramatic hand motions. "I'm a _super geek!_ And don't you forget it!" he added, jabbing a finger at Orange.

"Wow. That's the first time I've ever seen someone _proud_ of being a geek," the teen with dark hair and bright green eyes said, crossing his arms and regarding the soldiers with a sort of detached curiosity. Burgundy snorted again.

"Heh. I doubt it'll be the last kiddo. So, how about everyone introduces themselves hum?" he suggested. Dexter wasn't too sure of this, and became less so when Orange seemed to snap.

"What... the heck... _is_ this?!" the man forced out. Dexter let out an involuntary 'eep.' Fear crawled over his back, using his spine as a highway, as the stranger turned smoothly to level a blank stare at him. "Oh, you have _got_ to be _kidding me!_ " he said, seeming to have finally come to accept what he'd been hearing. Dexter wasn't too sure though. Everything was confusing at the moment.

"Sir?" he gasped out, trembling and wide eyed. The man snarled, turned on the ball of his foot, and slammed his right fist into the wall so hard that dust puffed out from the impact, bellowing in rage. Dexter jumped in fright, a few of the other teens even let out 'eep's of their own. _Who was this guy?!_

"Don't," the man began slowly, voice quivering with barely contained rage, "call me 'sir,' kid." The other soldiers were backing carefully away from Orange and Dexter was considering telling the teens behind him to run for it, but he held his ground. It was almost as if something were compelling him to get to know this strange man.

/*/

Doc and Chi shared a Look before turning to regenengel3, who was still in the left hand chair. "Ok, first, don't you usually leave by now?" Chi began.

" **Yep. Point?** " she asked, only just looking up from her brother's borrowed DS.

"Second, _why_ are you forcing this? The kid is obviously scared, and so are the others. Dex isn't taking it well so... _**why?!**_ " Doc asked. Regenengel3 shrugged, going back to the DS.

" **Because once they work through the fear and the irritation and the anger, it'll be interesting, don't you think?** " she said.

"Third," Chi said, ignoring Doc's mental pleas to just let it go, "what's with the DS?"

" **Gotta Catch 'em All,** " the young woman said with a smirk. " **Oh you little... CHANSY! WHY MUST YOU BE SO HARD TO CATCH?! ALL I WANTED WAS A HEALER IN MY TEAM BUT NO! YOU HAD TO REFUSE EVEN THE** _ **GREAT BALL! URGH!**_ " Doc and Chi shared another look before motioning for The Media Guy to get on with the rest of the show.

/*/

"Then... what do I call you?" Dexter asked. The man turned back to him and Dexter realized... the rage wasn't directed at him. He wasn't sure _who_ it was directed at, but it wasn't him. He relaxed... a little.

"Call me..." the man drifted off, sounding mildly confused. Dexter blinked.

"Do you... have amnesia?" he asked. The man started, then burst out into uproarious laughter, his comrades following along.

"No! No, I don't have amnesia," he said, still chuckling. Dexter was about to ask another question to appease his curiosity, when the man spoke again. "I'm you... from the future. I'd say about... ten to eleven years... give or take. You were just about to leave for eighth grade, right?" Dexter blinked, then gaped at the soldier in complete shock.

"Wha...? You're not me! You can't be! I'm too lazy for the military! I... I hate fighting! You aren't me!" he screamed. The man, because he _couldn't_ be a Grif, chuckled dryly, resting his chin on a calloused fist.

"For a lazy butt, you sure do yell a lot," he remarked, and he sounded almost fond. The monster.

"Well?! Aren't you going to tell me who you really are?!" Dexter yelled, furious that this man thought he could fool him into believing this was his future. The man sighed, his upper body folding over his legs.

"Man am I stubborn," he muttered before taking off his helmet, surging to his feet, and spreading his arms wide. "What proof do you want, Dexter Grif? What could I possibly do or say to make you believe me?" he asked, amber eyes burning into Dexter. His dark brown hair was clipped, but not quite military and there was a thin but noticeable scar passing through his eyebrow, just barely missing his eye. His face was all hard lines and determination, a far cry from the face he saw in the mirror that morning, and yet...

"Tell me something only I would know," Dexter demanded, crossing his arms and trying desperately to deny what he knew to be the truth.. The man nodded, relaxing his stance once again.

"Alright. The scar on the inside of your left thigh is from a jellyfish sting when you were five. The one on the back of your hand is not, as you often claim, from a fight but rather from a shard of broken glass. You cut yourself trying to clean up after one of your father's drunken fits. The reason you smoke isn't because it's cool, but because it helps you cope with the deplorable home life you've been cursed with. Need I go on?" the man, his future self, said, all the while giving him a challenging stare.

/*/

Doc was wide eyed. "Okay… I'm seeing what regenengel3 was talking about with tragic back stories," he said. Chi nodded, though he scoffed a moment later.

"What, just now?" he asked. Doc glared at him.

"No. This is just reaffirming her point," the medic said. Chi shrugged.

"Sure sure. Now let's see what happens next!" he said, leaning forward.

"I never knew he'd started smoking so young. Or at all really," Doc muttered, but Chi paid him no mind.

/*/

Dexter fell to the floor, feeling like a marionette whose strings have been cut. The older him stalked closer, then picked him up and sat him down on a shattered pillar that had once provided cover for the soldiers engaging in the simulation. "It's a lot to take in, I know. Heh, I know I didn't react well when I realized who I was looking at," he said with a self-deprecating smirk. Dexter shook his head.

"So. You're me. How did you...?" he asked, looking helplessly over his imposing older self.

"Get like this?" the older Grif asked, waved a hand over himself with a wry grin. "Well. It was a lot of little things, which were sparked by bigger things, yes I know that sounds backwards but I swear it's true. Anyway, it's a long, complicated story that... I don't think you really need to hear. Honestly, I don't know how or why we're here, or even where here is."

"How'd you get here?" asked a blond with cornflower blue eyes and a soft, round face who was wearing overalls and thick rubber boots.

"Well, our story is long, convoluted, and would be far too confusing to tell in it's entirety," Maroon began.

"So we'll tell you the relevant part," Burgundy cut in, giving Maroon a look.

"That part started with this mad A.I. called O'Malley infecting the Doc..." Red began, only for Older!Dexter to laugh.

"No~!" he sang, smirking unpleasantly at Red. "It began when _someone_ was crazy enough to build a _weather control device_ into a robot he _didn't care about_ who just _happened_ to have an advanced _A.I._ Then, after O'Malley came into the Gulch, he infected _another_ potential ally whom we discarded like yesterday's news. And _then!_ Both of them decided to stage their own hostile takeovers! Oh! And don't forget the senile old man who decided to build a _ten mega ton bomb_ into a robot that was going to be in the same canyon as us, not to mention _fighting us!_ Seriously, do you even use that brain of yours, Red?" the soldier ranted, glaring at the surprisingly cowed older man. "Oh, let's not forget about that weather machine, it's important. Because, ya see, using a clever strategy, I managed to get the bomb reconfigured into a homing beacon, but because we were strapped for time, our tech here," Orange paused to sling an arm around Maroon's shoulders, "wasn't able to remove all the explody bits. So! When we were fighting against O'Malley and his host, the megalomaniac activated the weather control device, which was somehow powered off of D batteries..."

"Seriously, we had the money in the budget Red. We could have just bought the dumb batteries and had a snow day in Blood Gulch but _noo~!_ Don't ask the _budget manager_ if we have the money, just let an incredible piece of technology walk around, ineffective, waiting for some madman to steal it, power it, and use it for evil," Maroon ranted. Orange nodded.

"Just so. Anyway, O'Malley started it up, struck the bombbot with lightning, over charged it's systems, activated the explosive components, fusing it all together, and dooming us all," he said.

"Yeah, but then, that's were it goes all... weird," Burgundy said.

/*/

When the bomb exploded, the world broke. It was all shifting shades of gray. And then, it reformed... mostly. It looked like a destroyed SPARTAN gym, but the floor was covering in swirling white mist, the walls were made out of the stuff, and it was far to quiet. Project Red and Blue Team, Church included, were grouped together, in the epicenter of the destruction. Looking around, they were all too stunned to say much of anything. Then, a young voice called, "Who are you?" from somewhere in the shifting reality.

"I could ask you the same thing!" another called, this one with a thick Southern accent. Dex twitched and looked at Red.

"Oh, that had _better_ not be who I think it is," he growled.

"AH! Scary monster!" a third young voice yelled. Dex snorted while Eagle laughed. Loudly.

"Kid, if you think Dex is a 'monster' just from his growling, you ain't seen nothing yet!" Rick said with a grin, turning to see a large group of kids coming toward them, though they'd stopped upon not only seeing a bunch of soldiers in MJOLNIR battle armor, but hearing Dex growl. They couldn't have been more than thirteen.

"Oh shut up ya geek!" the weapons master snarled, smacking his friend on the shoulder, frightening the teens he was determined not to look at even more.

"I'm not a geek!" Rick yelled, pouting at his friend, even if he still had his helmet on. He could _feel_ Dex giving him The Eyebrow. "I'm a _super geek!_ And don't you forget it!" Rick finished, jabbing a finger into his friend's chest. Again, he could feel the Hawaiian rolling his eyes at him.

"Wow. That's the first time I've ever seen someone _proud_ of being a geek," a teen that sounded eerily like Church said.

"Heh. I doubt it'll be the last kiddo. So, how about everyone introduces themselves hum?" Eagle suggested, seeing that everyone had gathered together. Dex snapped. He just couldn't take this anymore!

/

"And that's that," finished Maroon, now identified as Rick. Orange glared at his friend.

"I did _not_ snap," he barked. Rick quirked an eyebrow at him. "If I had, there'd be a lot more blood." The redhead teen nearly fainted.

"Oi! Dex! Stop scaring the kid! He's already traumatized ya know," Rick berated, smacking the larger man in a rather comedic 'bad soldier' manner. Dex turned to his comrade, quirking an eyebrow.

"Rick... I doubt they'll remember this when whatever the fraznar this is ends. I could traumatize them 'til they need a padded room and 'chill pills' and they'd be just fine when they returned to their place in the time-stream. We're good, techmiester. We're good," he said, patting him on the shoulder.

/*/

Doc was curious and turned to the author, who was now playing around on 'Tobi.' "Okay, how does he know that?" he asked, nodding toward Dex. Regenengel3 looked over her screen and smirked.

" **I gave him the knowledge. Makes it more interesting. Besides, if I let the past!Reds keep their memories of these encounters, it would change things so much, I'd have to make a full length story out of what happened to the kiddies! So, memory wipe. But just for the kids. The soldiers get to keep the memories,** " she told him. Doc nodded.

"Author powers are so broken," Chi muttered. Regenengel3 just grinned at him.

" **Why do you think we love playing with them so much?** "

/*/

"Well, guess we'd best make this official," Dex said "Private Dexter Kaimana Grif of the Red Army, at your service," he finished, sweeping the teen a bow, still grinning. He then turned to Rick. "Your turn to introduce yourself to the class," he said, motioning him on. Rick sighed, but followed Dex's lead. He took a pillar for himself and took off his helmet, revealing a thin, pale face with a dusting of freckles over his nose, eyes just a little darker than the kid with black hair, and rust red hair.

"Wait!" the younger Dexter called, "if he's Dex, who am I?"

"Dexter. Unless you _really_ want Dex and in that case... I'll take Grif. I'm used to them calling me that anyway," Dex said, jerking a thumb toward his team.

"Then... Hi. I'm Dex," the younger Grif said, holding out a hand to his older self. The soldier gave him a wry smirk and took the smaller hand in his, giving it a single firm shake. Dexter fought back a wince as his older counterpart put just a _little_ too much power into it.

"Grif," the soldier said, then both of them let go and turned to Rick, who rolled his eyes.

"I'm Private Richard Simmons, but you can call me Rick if you'd like," he said, making his introduction... almost formal. The tall awkward red-head with a scattering of freckles across his nose and thick rimmed glasses looked at Rick curiously.

"Are you _my_ future self?" he asked. Rick smirked at him.

"Not too hard to figure out, is it?" he asked. He shook his head with a chuckle. "Yeah, I'm what you're likely to grow up to be."

"Cool. Call me Richard," the teen said, holding out a hand. Rick grinned and took the offered hand, giving it a measured shake. Richard still shook his hand out once the handshake was done.

"Sorry. It's been a while since I've come across someone I need to watch my strength with," Rick said with an apologetic smile.

"Don't apologize! Makes you look weak!" Red Armor Guy said, stomping over. Rick rolled his eyes and flicked two fingers up in a kind of 'come on' motion. Red growled, but took off his helmet as well.

"Call me Red," he said. Rick and Grif both sighed heavily.

"I like it!" a short, sandy blond boy with steel gray eyes piped up. The other soldiers groaned.

"Aw man! I was so hoping he'd say his name!" Grif whined, causing his younger self to _not-_ giggle.

"Great, our CO's always like this," Eagle said with a sigh, taking off his helmet... while perched on one of the few pillars still standing.

"When did he get up there?" asked the only dark skinned kid there.

"When we were bemoaning our CO's lack of a name," Grif said, looking rather resigned, though there was a little bit of fondness in those sharp amber eyes.

"Yo! I'm Private Franklin Doughnut, but you can call me Eagle Eye! I'm the team's sniper," the sniper said, giving them his own two fingered mock salute with a grin. Dex wasn't sure if he was ignoring their confusion... or finding amusement in it. He was leaning toward the latter. The slightly shorter than average blond, who had a bandage on his right cheek right where Eagle had a thin scar, blinked at him.

"You look like my dad. Are you my older self?" he asked. Grif snorted, now laying on his fallen pillar.

"Amazing. Even at thirteen you're a smarty pants," he said. Rick hummed in thought.

"Ya know... I had figured you'd say that to me, not Eagle," he said. Grif somehow managed to shrug from a prone position.

"It's called sarcasm Rick. Learn it," he remarked, closing his eyes. The maroon soldier snorted.

"I'm no stranger to sarcasm, Private Grif. Mostly thanks to you. Just so you know," he said, pushing the other man's legs off the stone.

"Well, I guess that just leaves Blue Team huh?" Church asked, stepping forward. "Forgive me for not taking my helmet off, I'm kind of a robot," he said, chuckling at the wide eyed looks he got from the teens. "My name is Private Leonard Church."

"Sweet mother of Godiva! He has a first name!" Grif yelled, bolting upright to stare at him in shock. Rick gasped as well.

"Fudge on a stick! Quick! Call the paper!" he exclaimed. Church laughed mockingly.

"Ha ha, very funny. Of course I have a first name you morons! Why wouldn't I?"

"I dun know. You've just always been 'Blue' or 'Church' to us," Dex said with a shrug.

"Wait. How are you Leonard Church? I'm Leonard Church! And I'm _not_ a robot!" a pale teen with sage green eyes and jet black hair demanded, glaring at the robot in confusion.

"It's... a long story kid," Church said with a sigh.

/*/

"Still better than _Twilight_ ," Chi snarked. Doc choked on a laugh.

"You're seriously going to make _that_ reference?" he said. Chi shrugged.

"I'm a fragment of an A.I. based off of him and his memories. I can honestly tell you he was doing it all out of love for his wife." Doc shook his head.

"Sure had a twisted way of honoring her memory, emotionally abusing their daughter like he did."

" **Okay! Enough peanut gallery talk!** " regenengel3 barked, glaring at them over the DS.

"One last comment... why are you switching between the DS and the laptop?" Chi said. She shrugged.

" **I have a short attention span. Most FF writers do,** " she answered.

"That a fact?" Doc asked. She shrugged again.

" **Honestly I'm not too sure. Don't know any other FF writers personally. I'm really just projecting myself onto them, which isn't fair but... oh okay. To any FF writers watching this, I'm sorry if I offended you with my poorly educated generalization. But seriously, if you had a choice between a story you're stonewalled in or Pokemon Diamond, would you make a third option and alternate?** " she said to the camera.

"Okay, I guess you have a point there... not that I'd know, being a medic," Doc said. Regenengel3 scoffed.

" **Not a very good one if you ask me.** "

"I'm not bad! I was just written that way!" Doc defended. Chi scooted toward the author.

"I don't like it when he gets all emotional on me," the A.I. muttered. Using her Author Powers, regenengel3 patted him on the head.

" **It takes a special person to like an Emo, Chi. A very special person** ," she told him.

/*/

Tucker moved forward to look at the thirteen year old Church.

"So. This is what you look like. Huh. I always pictured you with sandy hair and gray eyes. Like tombstones," he said. Church kicked him over.

"Why would I have eyes like tombstones? That makes no sense!" he protested. Tucker shrugged from the ground before dragging himself into a sitting position.

"Eh, that's just what I got from your personality. Anyway! I'm Private Lavernius Tucker. Nice to meet ya, Little Church!" he said with a smile, having taken his helmet off when he said his name. The one black kid there gaped at him... self?

"I am Micheal J. Caboose! And I..." Caboose began, but was cut off by Grif shoving a...

"Did you just shove an orange in his mouth?" Rick asked, eying the brain damaged, it was all but confirmed by now, Blue. Grif shrugged, peeling another orange.

"I had one, so why not? Oh! Caboose! Don't eat the peel! It's nasty," he said, popping a section into his mouth. Rick shook his head at his teammate.

"Unbelievable," he muttered.

"What happened to me!? I'm an _idiot!_ " the teen who could only be Caboose wailed, watching his older self happily peel the randomly appearing orange.

"Wait... you can recognize that?" Church asked, helmet staring at the teen.

"Uh... yeah? Grif had to _tell_ him he couldn't eat the peel! And what was he about to say before you cut him off, Grif?" Micheal asked.

"Not too sure," the soldier said, "but ten to one, it was going to be something ridiculous like 'and I hate babies'," he finished with a negligent wave of his hand. Micheal held his hands out toward the Agent, face clearly saying, 'Ya see?!' Church shook his head.

"An almost smart Caboose. I must be loosing my mind," he muttered.

"Oh, but you already have," Grif said with a grin, as though it were some inside joke. Dex stared at him like he'd grown a second head.

"Okay... what happens in the future to make me into _this_ madman?" he asked. This, of course, set the soldiers off. Big time.

"Hey hey! Dexxy! Did you hear that? You're the madman!" Rick gasped. Orange growled and pulled out his side arm. Which just happened to be a mauler.

"Call me Dexxy ever again, and I will not hesitate to mess you up, got it, Rickky?" he growled. Rick held his hands up with a smirk.

"You just proved our point ya know," the IT guy said. Orange growled again and put his gun up.

"To answer your question, Dex, that woman happened. Right after being drafted," he said, pointing at the ever randomly appearing Marley, who was accompanied by Flowdie.

/*/

"A wild Marley an' Flowdie has appeared!" Chi piped up. Doc gave him a look, but the A.I. was unrepentant.

/*/

"A pleasure to meet you, young Dexter. I look forward to whipping you into shape in the future," she said with a shark like grin. That was when the rest of the soldiers noticed Marley and Flowdie.

"GAH! When did you two get here?!" Eagle asked.

/*/

"Eagle used SCREECH!"

/*/

"Just now," Flowdie said with an easy shrug.

/*/

"It's not very effective!"

"WOULD YOU STOP COMMENTATING!? This isn't a Pokemon match!"

"But it was served up so nicely!"

"Okay... can't argue with that. Proceed."

"Thank you."

"And screech is a status move that lowers defense."

"Ah... right. Didn't focus much on Pokemon theory in school." Doc just shook his head and let it go.

/*/

Rick glowered at the pair.

/*/

"Rick used MEAN LOOK!"

/*/

Marley sighed and Flowdie shook his head.

/*/

"It...! Uh... wait. What does mean look do again?"

"I think it's a status mov... wait. You're an A.I! You have access to the web! You should know this!"

"Well... Pokemon wasn't a big priority and where I am now I'm basically just the color commentator." Doc gave him a Look.

"Color commentator?"

"Yep."

"Fine. Mean look effects the targets stats. Attack I think... or was it making the target unable to flee?"

/*/

"Look, we get that you guys are confused, but so are we!" Flowdie said. The was when Tucker recognized his voice.

"AH! ZOMBIE FLOWERS!" he shouted and ran behind one of the pillars. Eagle scoffed.

"And to think, we actually called you a threat," he remarked disparagingly, shaking his head at the man.

"Zombie. Apocalypse," the blue remarked darkly from his hiding place.

"Flowdie isn't dead, he never was and what do you mean by 'Flowers'?" Grif said, slowly turning to the cowering blue, his voice slipping into what the other Reds called his Interrogation Voice. It was low, it was quiet, and it was _terrifying_.

/*/

Doc shook his head. "Okay, this is getting ridiculous. Can we leave now?" he asked. Chi shrugged.

"Regenengel3 actually left about ten minutes ago. I say lets get out of here before Tex shows up," the A.I. said. Doc nodded back.

"Okay, cut it, Media Guy!" he said. In the Media Room, the Media Guy sighed and put up the outro, which was actually Tex beating up the Reds at the off-site storage facility. Doc took off his helmet and rubbed his face. "That was almost as bizarre as Margret Caboose," he moaned. Chi laughed.

"Yeah, but they were both interesting, don't you think?" he said. Doc glared at his companion.

"What do we have next?" he asked.

"Eh... Stranger things?" Chi hedged. Doc moaned and hauled himself up.

"I need coffee..." he said, already trailing out the door.

"Hey wait! Do you think regenengel3 will do more with this?" Chi asked.

"Maybe. If she gets people asking for more Young!Sims interacting with their older selves," Doc said with a shrug.

"Yeah, that sounds like her," Chi said.

"Oh, or she could get bit by a Plot Bunny that won't let go until she's written it," Doc added.

"Again, sounds like her," Chi said, then turned to his partner. "Bit?" he asked.

"Regenengel3 logic," Doc said, tugging open the fridge.

"Right... wait. Since when did we have a fridge?"

"Since Season 14 Episode 24."

"FOURTH WALL BREAK!" Doc stopped and turned to the A.I., then looked to the reader.

"Isn't it cute that he thinks the Fourth Wall still effects us?" he asked before chuckling and walking off with his purple Gatorade, shaking his head and dragging a mildly confused Chi along with him.


	5. Show 4

*Red vs Blue theme played, then The Booth, complete with Doc and Chi, appeared. * "Regenengel3 still doesn't own us, RvB, or our gear," the two said in perfect synchronicity.

"I'm Doc."

"You know who I am."

"We're still your hosts."

"On with the show! Take it away MG!"

 **{Show Four: Meet the Femmes}**

They tumbled through the portal and landed in a jumbled heap in front of... they weren't too sure who. They were a bit preoccupied with shouting, shoving, and trying to get up to notice just who was staring at them. "Alright, that's it, everyone, stop moving!" Dex bellowed. Having worked with the large Hawaiian long enough to know what he was like when truly angry, everyone froze. "Thank you. Rick, roll to your... left," he directed. The maroon agent did as he was told and fell free of the tangle, swiftly regaining his feet and beginning a check of all his various knives.

"Thank you Dex," he said, almost as an afterthought. Dex snorted.

"You're welcome," he snarked. "Now, Caboose. Sit up, then get off us." The simple soldier managed to follow directions and was soon standing to the side. "Red, to the right." With some slight grumbling, the Texan did as he was directed. "And Eagle..."

"I see it," the man said, already moving.

"Good. That leaves me free to do this!" Dex said, grabbing Tucker's arm and flinging him off, using the momentum to pull himself up, before dragging the man back and punching him in the face.

"Ah-how!" the cyan soldier yelped. Dex scoffed at him.

/*/

"Ywoch! I had nearly forgotten that Dex was so brutal," Doc said with a wince.

"Ah, but Tucker's tougher than most give him credit for. He's good," Chi said, waving the violence off. Doc sighed.

"Why did I ever agree to host you?" he moaned.

/*/

"You deserved that, and more now I think of it," the weapons expert muttered darkly. That was when their audience started to clap.

"Well done soldier. What's your name?" an unfamiliar, but distinctly female, voice asked. Dex turned, pulling up his magnum to point at the woman in bright red armor.

"You first," he growled, then dodged a blast of buckshot from Red. "And what's your problem Red?" he asked, rounding on the older man.

"That's no way to treat a lady Grif!" Red declared. Dex groaned.

"Oh, we're back to this then? Brilliant," he muttered, then shot him in the face with...

/*/

"Ha ha! In your face Red!" Chi cheered.

"Well, that's what those rounds were meant for," Doc said, shaking his head at Dex's almost juvenile actions.

/*/

"Uh... Dex... did you just shoot Red with... _glitter?_ " Tucker asked, gobsmacked. Dex turned to him, mildly incredulous.

"Tucker... I've had glitter rounds since Sidewinder. Get with the program man," he said.

"But... but... Where did you _get_ those?" Tucker asked, completely ignoring the women surrounding them, which was odd enough all on its own but coupled with the re-emergence of glitter rounds, it just served to highlight the strangeness of the event. "I didn't know they made those!"

" _They_ don't. I do," Eagle said, clearly smirking. "They make excellent training tools, distractions, and let us not forget... _pranks!_ "

"Hey... you guys are... more like I remember you to be," Church said, causing everyone to turn to him at once.

"Tucker..." Dex growled, right fist clenching. The cyan armored soldier behind him started inching toward the nearest door as the weapons expert slowly rounded on him. When the man began to advance, fist moving up, Tucker broke out into a run. "Yes, that's it, make it _fun_ for me. _Run~!_ " Dex purred dangerously before he took off after the Blue.

/*/

"Okay, now I feel sorry for the guy," Chi said, wincing as Dex chased Tucker through the... "Hey, is that a base, or a hotel?"

"It's... Red Base after being excavated and then renovated," Doc said, reading off a data pad.

"When'd you get that?" Chi asked, just noticing it.

"Just now. Popped up like regenengel3 does," Doc said. Chi shrugged.

"Author powers, gotta love em," he remarked. "Now back to the show!"

/*/

"I'M SORRY!" Tucker's scream echoed back to the main group.

" _ **NOT GOOD ENOUGH!**_ " came Dex's bellow. Rick cringed when he heard the unmistakeable sounds of furniture being upturned and vases being broken as Dex chased Tucker. And then the screams of pain began and everyone shuddered.

"Right... well... they're going to be a while," Rick said, drawing everyone's attention. "What do you say to a round of introductions? We can get around to explanations when Dex is through torturing Tucker and then patching him back up."

"Wait wait wait... that Red guy called the orange one 'Grif' right? Why?" the first woman, the one in red, asked. Rick turned to her with a smirk tugging at his lips.

"Well, that would be because Grif is Dex's family name," he said, then held up his hand swiftly to cut off their questions before tugging his helmet off. "I am Captain Rick Simmons of the New Republic of Chorus, also known as Agent Maroon of Project Red. This is my brother-in-arms, Captain Frank Doughnut of the Federal Army of Chorus."

"I am also known as Eagle Eye or Agent Burgundy of Project Red. Call me Doughnut and it won't be glitter on you visor," Eagle said, stepping up and chambering a rather deadly round in his sniper rifle. Rick cleared his throat and gave the sniper a pointed look, prompting the younger man to groan and also remove his helmet. "Happy?" he asked, cornflower blue eyes glaring and short golden blond hair standing in messy spike from its time in his helmet. Rick's smirk told him all he needed to know.

"I'm Captain Red of the Federal Army of Chorus, also known as Agent Red of Project Red," Red said, also removing his helmet before giving a salute.

"I am Micheal J Caboose, and I hate fractions!" the dark blue soldier said, snapping up his version of a salute.

"It's 'factions' you idiot!" Dex bellowed, dragging a moaning Tucker behind him.

/*/

"Ha! Good one Dex!" Doc cheered, though Chi could tell he was a little queasy from the battering Tucker had received from the large man.

/*/

"Those too," Caboose agreed with a nod.

"Uh..." the woman in orange began, but Dex cut her off.

"Ignore the idiot, it's easier that way. I'm Captain Dexter Grif of the New Republic of Chorus, but I prefer being referred to as either Captain or Dex," he said. "Oh, I'm also known as Agent Orange, Senior Agent of Project Red," he added, dropping Tucker and sketching a rough bow to the assembly. Seeing his team was helmet-less, he also forwent the headgear. His dark brown hair was also sweaty and mussed from his helmet, but it only served to accentuate his strong jaw and stormy amber eyes.

"And the moaning pile of cyan armor is Captain Lavernius Tucker, but we all just call him Tucker," Rick said, motioning to the aforementioned pile of armor.

"Dang but Grif makes a hot guy!" the woman in pink couldn't help but say. Dex quirked an eyebrow.

"I'm not too sure I want to know," he muttered darkly. Rick chuckled.

"Hey, at least you made it back before we finished introductions. They haven't even started!" he said, motioning toward the soldiers who hadn't tumbled through the portal with them. Dex huffed and crossed his arms, eyes daring the others to speak. Naturally, it was Sarge who did so first.

"I'm Red Sargent Sarge," she said, removing her helmet, as was apparently the trend when introducing one's self. She looked like Red's twin sister with law length sliver hair and a small scar above her left eye. Dex couldn't help but look from the female to his own Sarge. Glancing toward Rick, he was relieved to see he wasn't the only one beginning to see the humor in their situation.

"Private Rachel Simmons, First Class," the woman in maroon said, taking off her helmet to reveal cascading red hair. Now it was Rick who was receiving the looks and Dex couldn't hold it anymore. He fell to the ground, arms wrapped around his waist, cackling even harder than when they'd pranked Freelancer Command. Rick scowled and kicked his friend in the ribs, but this only made him laugh harder. Eagle and Red, however, were able to notice 'Rachel' stiffening. It was slight, but it was fairly clear she was getting uncomfortable.

"Oh shut up Dex, something tells me you're next," the tech snarled. Dex didn't care, but he did pull himself up to his knees, though mirth still danced in his eyes.

"Yeah... but th HAHA! This is gonna ke HA! Keep me laughing for HAHAHAAA~! Weeks!" he wheezed out. The woman in orange huffed and pulled her helmet off, revealing long nut brown hair, flawless tan skin, and unamused amber eyes. The fact that she was plus sized didn't really take too much away... at least in Rick's opinion. Seeing his teammate's considering look, Dex kicked his legs out from under him.

"ACK!" he screamed, landing heavily on his back. Dex grinned down at him.

"That's for checking my counterpart out, perv," he chortled before turning back to the woman. "Forgive him, he's a genius when it comes to tech, but he's only a step up from hopeless when it comes to women." The female shrugged.

"Eh, it was better than what I'm sure Tucker does when he sees me. Or, rather, anything remotely female," she said. "Name's Kaimana, Private Kaimana Grif, First Class."

"Huh. Weird," Dex said, shaking his head. Kaimana gave him a curious look. "That's my middle name," Dex told her.

"Is it now?" Rick drawled. Dex punched him. "OW!" Eagle laughed at the pair and sauntered up to the girl in pink.

"Might I try to guess your name, little sister?" he asked, bright blue eyes sparklingly with humor. She shrugged.

"Yeah, sure, whatever," she said.

"Francine Delana Doughnut, right?"

"Wow. You got it right on the first try, Frankie," she said, crossing her arms. He shrugged, an easy smile on his face.

"Well my full name _is_ Franklin Delano Doughnut. It only makes sense for you to have the female version, right?" he said, dancing out of the way of her clumsy swipe. "Whoa! Easy there tiger!"

"Jerk," Francine muttered, once more crossing her arms.

"Helmet," Sarge barked. Doughnut sighed, but took off her helmet to show a round face, the same cornflower blue eyes as her male counterpart, and messy, spiky, dark blond hair.

"Okay! Now that we all know what everyone looks like and we've established that yes, these women are our female counterparts, can we get to the question of why we're in this fancy hotel, spa, place?" Dex asked.

/*/

"And here we have our first group wondering how they got to this bizarre world and how they could get back to a universe that makes sense," Chi said, an applause tape playing.

"Poor guys, we're not quite done with them," Doc said, sounding genuinely sorry for them.

"Ah who cares! This is fun~!" Chi sang. Doc gave him what was probably supposed to be a glare but was destroyed by the full face helmet he wore.

/*/

Everyone was gathered in the 'entertainment room' and sitting on the floor, ready to talk things through, when Tucker spoke up. "Whoa, hey! This place is a lot bigger on the inside than it is on the outside!"

/*/

Chi flickered and growled. "Reference sense tingling again?" Doc asked gently.

"Seriously, it's like you guys like to play chopsticks on the thing," Chi ground out.

"Like Piano Cat?"

"GAH! Stop that!" Chi snapped. Doc chuckled and turned back to the camera.

"And now back to the show."

/*/

Dex grinned a rather dastardly grin. "I know that look, that's a nasty look," Rick remarked, though he was smirking in much the same fashion.

"Watch and learn, oh brother mine, watch and learn," the weapons expert said, snapping his helmet back into place. The orange accents vanished and the visor returned to orange. The Hawaiian stepped out to lean against a pillar and modulated his voice to match his female counterpart. "Tucker! Oi, Tucker! Come here, I have a few new moves I'd like to show you!" he called. Kaimana gaped and Rick though that if she'd been drinking, she would have done a spit take.

"Well that doesn't sound kinky at all," she remarked, regaining some form of composer. Rick and Eagle chuckled.

"Aye, yer a Grif alright," the tech said, giving her a devious grin. She grinned back while Simmons whimpered and shrank back a little. "Wait... are you bad with men?" Rick asked his counterpart curiously. Kaimana snorted.

"Why do you think she's the one in charge of base security? As soon as she recognizes someone's a man, she freezes up. With you guys, it's just taken a little longer to set in. Shock and all that," Kaimana replied with a shrug. Rick sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"I was the same way with women to be honest. But one of the most terrifying women in the galaxy came along and taught me I didn't have to be afraid, that I had value. It changed my life," he said, then looked over to where Dex was waiting for Tucker, who had reacted with shock and confusion before hurrying to find his way down to where they were from the balcony. One which didn't involve falling from three stories up. "We don't have the most dangerous man in the galaxy here... but Dex is pretty close. When he's done messing with your world's Tucker, I could ask him to help you out... if you'd like," Rick said. Rachel looked over at him, considering his words, then sighed.

"I don't like being scared all the time. Especially when our enemy is an all male team," she said. He smiled gently at her.

"I understand. But for now," his smile turned predatory, "I'm gonna watch Dex screw Tucker's head on backwards before drop-kicking him through the door!"

"Don't think that's gonna help with her man-phobia Rick," Eagle calmly pointed out, eating popcorn. Rick blinked. Red blinked. Grif blinked. Simmons blinked. Sarge blinked. Doughnut blinked. Church blinked.

/*/

Doc blinked.

Chi blinked.

They shared a look.

"Regenengel3?" Doc asked.

"Regenengel3," Chi agreed.

"Didn't she pull the same thing just before the Crew stormed Command?"

"Yup. And something tells me this won't be the last time," the A.I. confirmed. Doc sighed.

"Authors," he sighed.

"Young adults trying to write humor," Chi countered.

"Ah. Yeah. Point to you," Doc said before turning his attention back to the Femmes. And Dex.

/*/

"I'm not even gonna ask," Rick said, turning back to Dex. Eagle grinned, popping another kernel into his mouth. Tucker finally made it to where they were, then froze.

"Wait... weren't you a chick an hour ago?" he asked. Dex chuckled, voice modulator still in effect.

"Nope~!" he said.

"Okay, that's creepy," Tucker said, backing away.

"Aw~! Don't be like that Tucker~!" Dex sang, stalking up to him. "I really do have a few new moves I'd like to show you," he said.

"Too creepy!" Tucker yelled before turning tail and running, Dex hot on his heels, deep dark laughter echoing out of his helmet. A moment later, Tucker was sailing back into the main lobby and Dex was once more slowly stalking his prey.

"Ya know," he said, voice slowly fading back to normal, "I've always thought uncertainty was an effective armor. Make your opponent unsure of you, make them underestimate you, and then, when the moment is right..." Dex stopped suddenly before the frozen soldier, clapping his hands in front of his downed target and yelling "BAM", making Tucker jump slightly. "You strike and you strike hard. They go down without ever knowing what hit 'em." All eyes were on Dex, captivated by his speech.

/*/

Doc was a bit surprised. "Who knew Dex could be such a riveting public speaker," he remarked. Chi chuckled.

"The people of Chorus?" he asked. Doc inclined his head to the A.I.

"Touche."

/*/

"But, there are times, when uncertainty needs to be stripped away and cold, hard, truth must be revealed. When one must be confronted with the enormity of their actions, their inadequacy, and feel the full brunt of the terror being faced with a superior opponent can inspire. I am Captain Dex of the New Republic of Chorus, and I am _not_ _ **happy**_ ," Dex finished, putting his visor up to Tucker's.

"Chilling," the other Tucker remarked dully, arms crossed behind his counterpart, who swiftly turned to see his doppelganger.

"Ah! Captain Flowers came back to life!" Tucker screamed, scrabbling away. The male Reds laughed while Captain Tucker frowned.

"That's really not funny guys. He's basically calling me an ex-Freelancer," he said. Rick shrugged.

"Honestly, I'd take being compared to Flowdie as a compliment," he said, relaxing back into the couch. Dex sighed and stepped back, armor reverting to Agent Mode.

"Oi Caboose! Get down here buddy!" he called, using Church's voice. The A.I. jerked slightly, turning to the Red in surprise.

"Why are you using my voice?" he asked. Dex took his helmet back off and grinned at him.

"So that Caboose would actually listen to me. You're the only one he really listens to ya know," he said, taking a seat beside Rick.

/*/

" **It gets kinda boring here, so this is where this Show ends,** " regenengel3 said, popping up in her seat. Doc jumped with an unmanly 'gah!'

"Regenengel3! Where have you been this whole show?" Chi asked. She grinned.

" **Backstage of course. Who do you think delivers all those randomly appearing notebooks and buckets of popcorn? Not to mention all the breakables for Dex and Tucker to smash into. You think those were just there?** " she answered. Doc hauled himself up until he could rest his elbows on the table.

"Please don't do that. I'm not sure how much more my pride can take!" he moaned. Regenengel3 gave him a dull look.

" **Last time I popped up you were as chill as a cucumber in November. What gives?** " she asked blandly.

"You lulled me into a false sense of security. Shame on you. Shame," Doc declared in a dire tone. The young woman rolled her eyes.

" **Sure you weren't in the theater club in high school?** " she asked.

"As amusing as this conversation slash verbal beat down could potentially be, can we wrap up this Show?" Chi cut in before the two could get into heated discussion. Regenengel3 nodded and vanished.

"I need a rootbeer," Doc muttered darkly to himself before he straightened. "And that concludes Show Number Four! Tune in next time to see what happens when the decent members of Project Freelancer all show up in Valhalla!" he said before walking out the door, Chi dragged along with him.

/?/

A/N: Right. Same deal as the last one. If I get a plot bunny attack me or a decent number of people wanting more Femmes I'll write it. That said, next up: more JEMC!


	6. Show 5

*Once more, the intro to RvB plays before showing The Booth, Doc and Chi in their customary places.*

"Good day, ladies and gents!" Chi called.

"I'm Frank 'Doc' DeFre..." Doc began before The Hand of Author slammed down on the desk in front of him. "Yipe!" he, well, yipped, falling backward off his chair, which revealed itself to be nothing more than a stool. Chi snickered at his partner. "What was that for, regenengel3?"

" **I can't spell your last name,** " the woman declared, glaring at the medic. Chi's snickering upgraded to mild chuckling. " **So, you'll be introducing yourself as Frank 'The Incompetent One' Doc.** " Chi's chuckling jumped straight to 'stage villain cackling.'

"Sucks to be you!" he barked.

"B-b-but... !" Doc tried to protest. Regenengel3 cut him off with a glare.

" **You're not a very good medic, Doc. I haven't gotten around to having Marley fix that yet. And, I'm the author. So... you're stuck with that name until I come up with a better one. So there,** " she said, ending with a decisive nod. " **Also...** **disclaimer please?** "

"Why do we..." Doc began.

"Regenengel3 does not own RvB or RWBY. She would like to give props to the folks over at Rooster Teeth for their creativity and skill. She does own... most of... okay. So she really only owns Marley. Despite what she'd have us believe about the rest of JEMC," Chi cut in.

"Ya know... I think I'm beginning to develop a complex about being interrupted," Doc muttered.

" **Wait... what time frame are you from anyway? I mean, when I started this Spin-Off thingamajig, you hadn't gotten Chi and yet, he was your co-host. So... yeah. What's your time frame?** " regenengel3 asked, eying the medic curiously.

"We're actually stuck inside one of those 'Future Cubes' Dex found in the wrecked ship," Doc said.

" **Huh. I... guess that fits. Perhaps you should be 'The Tormented One' instead, huh? Also, that explains your fluctuating sanity. You're still in the process of loosing it in a plain of existence that has no concept of the passage of time nor the constraints of space,** " the young Author mused aloud.

"Wait... you're just now figuring this out? I thought you knew at the start! Also, I'd like to call it a bubble in the fourth wall, seeing as I can communicate with you and the audience," Doc said, honestly surprised.

" **Eh heh heh... ye~ah, I stated this on a whim, plucking you two out of Bunny Fluff to be the hosts. The personalities just kinda... happened.** " Chi noted that the Author looked a little sheepish. " **Though, I may have, on some unconscious level, have chosen that time frame for you. I mean, hosting this Spin-Off Show thingy is a lot less boring and maddening then just spinning around in some sort of hammer-space created by advanced, ancient alien tech,** " regenengel3 went on, eyes slightly unfocused.

"I... I won't even begin to attempt to understand this one," Doc said, shaking his head.

"And with that, I'm Chi 'The Sarcastic One' Church and this is..."

 **{Show 5: The White, The Grey, and The Goodwitch}**

"So, Frank 'The Incompetent One' Doc, what do you think we'll be seeing today?" Chi finished. Doc sent a Helmet Glare(Trademark... uh... all Faceless Everywhere and Their Teammates? Seriously, they're _all_ capable of it on some level. It's a little freaky, to be honest.) "Oi! Stop talking to the audience without us!" Chi snapped, trying to hit regenengel3. And failing. Because he was a hologram. "Oh, Author Powers are _so_ broken," the A.I. groused. Regenengel3 just smiled at him and vanished in a flash of smoke and swirling leaves.

"Now that that is out of the way," Doc said, still sounding rather aggravated. "Let's get this meeting of the teams underway!"

"Wait... is it the teams, or just the three?" Chi asked. Doc shrugged.

"I don't know, I didn't look ahead. Now shush, the show is beginning," he said, directing attention to the scene unfolding just in front of The Booth.

/*/

Four weeks. Just four weeks. That's how long JEMC had been a team. Not all that long right? Well, it was long enough for them to decide... Jay needed a nick-name. "Wait... what?" he asked, shocked when the girls came to him with decidedly disturbing gleams in their eyes.

"You need a nick-name, STAT!" Marley declared.

"I'm 'The Gray Death,' Marley's the 'Surgeon of Death,' because of those syringes she shoots and the fact that she's scarily good at field surgeries, especially given how young she is. Now, you need a dramatic, over the top, nick-name. Preferably one with 'death' in it. We could make a trend!" Emily squeaked. Granted, that was how she always talked, but still. That was a new level of squee. Jay gave her a level look.

"One, only you call yourself 'The Grey Death'. Two, Marley is only called 'Surgeon of Death' because when she goes berserk, she _doesn't_ use her syringes and instead _dissects_ her victims. Me? I'm the nice guy. Why would I have a nick-name with 'Death' in it?" he said. The two girls pouted and Caleb, who had quickly become Jay's best friend, smirked at him.

"I vote 'Red Death,'" he said. Jay glared, hand twitching toward his massive gun blade.

"Traitor," he growled. His teammates felt the barest touch of trepidation at the expression. They'd only been a team for four weeks, but that was enough to learn that Jay was not someone you wanted to tick off. He was good with his sword and what he lacked in skill he made up for in brute strength and bullets.

"Hey now, no need for all that," Marley said, stepping in, putting a hand on his shoulder, and using her Semblance to calm him down. A shiver went down his spine before his fear was dulled by Marley's touch.

"Anyone ever tell you your Semblance is fudging scary?" he asked. Marley winced and withdrew, holding her hand close to her chest. Jay's eyes widen, the artificial calm shattering and allowing shock and shame to fill him as he realized... he'd really hurt his partner. "Hey! I... I didn't mean it like that!" he said, reaching out to her. She shied even further away and Emily sighed heavily.

"Every town has its bullies, and every bully has his or her favorite target. Marley was the favorite of four truly sad bullies. It was stupid, but they attacked her through her Semblance, calling her a freak, a witch, telling everyone not to touch her or she'd turn them into her slaves, get inside their heads and make them kill themselves. The fact that she _could_... well. It made her scared of herself. I was the only one who'd willingly let her touch me... until she got into Signal's medic program at least. The instructors and upper years understood that while she held great and terrible power that could be used for great evil, it could also be used for great good. They helped her understand that as well but... she still has relapses sometimes," the other girl explained, forcefully grabbing Marley in a hug.

"D-don't to-touch me. I-I'll j-just make y-you feel things," Marley stammered. Jay and Caleb shared unreadable looks before they turned to Marley with determined expressions.

"Marley, your Semblance... does it go both ways?" Jay asked. Marley blinked, confused.

"Can you sense what we're feeling if we touch you?" Caleb asked.

"I-I don't know," Marley responded. Nodding, Jay pulled off his gloves and touched her cheek while Caleb pulled up her sleeve with one hand and holding her wrist with the other. Marley stiffened as acceptance and respect flowed sluggishly from the boys. "Well... that's new," she said. Emily grinned and put her hand on Marley's other cheek, sending the sisterly love and professional respect she felt toward her best friend. The tension drained out of the so-called 'Surgeon of Death' and she slumped slightly in relief.

/*/

Doc looked at Chi. Chi looked at Doc. "I thought we were going to be seeing their introduction to Glenda Goodwitch," Chi said.

"I thought about asking you at the beginning but... how do you know who Goodwitch is?" Doc asked.

"I'm an A.I. trapped in a bubble in the Fourth Wall, which happens to be connected to the internet. After the first Show was initially titled 'RWBY 1', and regenengel3 said she was using characters from it, I looked it up... and you were with me! It'd be more surprising if I _didn't_ know who Goodwitch was. Also, the adult version sounds like Tex," Chi said. Doc shivered.

"Remind me not to get her mad," he muttered.

"And her Semblance seems to be Telekinesis," Chi gleefully continued.

"I thought you were the humor fragment."

"Eh, we Churches often confuse 'humor' with 'snark,'" Chi said with a shrug, totally unrepentant.

/*/

Once the team had recovered from their 'episode,' they decided to really get to know each other, starting with the others Semblances. "I can effect chemicals, making chemistry really easy for me," Emily said cheerfully. "Your turn, Red Death!" Jay scowled at the perky psych student before sighing.

"My Semblance is to..." Jay began only to be cut off by Caleb saying,

"Be adorkable!" The gunblademan turned a baleful eye on the maceman.

/*/

"Hold up! Hold everything!" Doc shouted, waving his arms like a baseball umpire.

"What?" asked Chi.

"Adorkable, gunblademan, and maceman are _not_ real words!" Doc declared.

" **Y** o **u** re **a** l **ly** thi **nk** _she_ / **I** c **ar** e(s) **ab** out t **ha** t?" Chi and regenengel3 asked. The A.I. and his partner jerked around to look at the Author's chair. " **Heya,** " she said, casually waving a hand at them.

"Please don't do that," Doc pleaded. Regenengel3 smirked at him.

" **I'll do it when I feel it's necessary,** " she said.

/*/

"No. It's Aura Manipulation. I can create constructs out of my aura," Jay corrected.

"Oh, like Green Lantern?" Marley asked.

/*/

"SERIOUSLY?! EVEN _MARLEY_ IS GETTING IN ON IT?!" Chi bellowed at the screen. Regenengel3 chuckled. "WHY?! WHY GET HER DOING IT TOO?!" he asked her. She shrugged.

" **Because Jay's power really is like Green Lantern and pretty much** _ **everyone**_ **who might read this knows who GL is. It's so that they know exactly what Jay is capable of,** " regenengel3 answered.

"Why not give him super speed?" Doc asked. Chi 'glared' at him.

"Again with the DC references?" he asked. The two humans(though the males considered 'human' to be a bit of a stretch where regenengel3 was concerned. Author Powers and all.) gave him blank looks nodded.

" **It** 's ju **s** t to **o** _ **ea**_ _sy_ ," they said. Chi huffed.

"I hate you both," he said.

"W **e** kn **ow**."

/*/

"Yeah. Like Green Lantern," Jay said with a nod.

"Well, mine is Physical Augmentation," Caleb said. "Charged up by kinetic energy." The girls gave him a considering look, then nodded to each other.

"Makes sense," Emily said.

"The ADHD might just be a symptom of his Semblance's requirements," Marley analyzed.

"Or maybe his Semblance's requirements is due to his ADHD," Emily put forward.

"I wonder, does it up your speed too?" Marley asked.

"Uhm... yes," Caleb answered, looking a good deal more wary then he had at the beginning. The way the girls' eyes lit caused him to take a step back, now truly wary about the pair.

"Oh, psycho-analysis~!" Emily sang.

"I wonder how it effects in muscles in the long term," Marley purred, grin taking on a manic quality. The boys shared a look and Jay threw up a red wall while Caleb dashed out of the room.

"SCIENCE WILL NOT BE DENIED!" the girls bellowed, swarming up and over Jay's constructs as fast as he could make them.

/*/

"Dang... Marley in science mode is _terrifying_ ," Doc said, eyes wide behind his visor. Chi had retreated to his storage unit.

" _Tell me when it's over,_ " he whispered in the medic's mind.

" _Don't worry buddy, she can't reach us here,_ " Doc told him.

" _What about when we get out of the Future Cube?_ " Doc had no answer to that.

/*/

Caleb ran for all he was worth, getting faster and faster as he went, though he knew he couldn't keep it up for long. He was using the kinetic energy almost as soon as it was fed into his Aura, not to mention the strain it put on his body. Still, he needed to get as far from his female teammates as he could until they found something else to latch onto. 'Headmaster Ozpin. Could he help? Try Ozpin,' he thought, turning toward the Spire. "SCIENCE!" he heard his teammates bellow.

"HELP ME~!" he yelled, pounding through the corridors. Staff and students alike watched in stunned silence as the first year student ran like a Death Stalker was on his heels.

"SCIENCE!" … Or they had... until the crazed duo tore after him.

"Marley! Frozen Calm!" Emily called.

"It's hard to get that deep without contact!" Marley shouted back.

" _Try!_ " Emily demanded. "I can't keep running!"

" _GOOD!_ " Caleb yelled back.

"Stop running! We just want to understand!" the medics bellowed at him.

"No thanks! I choose life!" Caleb told them. "Ah, elevator!" Skidding into the metal box, he jabbed the 'close door' button as if that would make the doors move faster. It didn't.

"QUICK! HE'S GETTING AWAY!" Emily said.

"SINDORA DON'T FAIL ME NOW!" Marley declared, pulling her two large tonfas from the small of her back and loading a paralytic syringe. Caleb watched in fear as the needle sailed toward him and then... it stopped. He staring at the syringe in confusion as the doors slid shut.

"Huh. Well. That happened," he muttered, before remembering why he went to the elevator and hit the button that would take him to the headmaster's office.

/*/

"Whoo! That was _intense!_ " Doc declared, pausing the video and leaning back. "I mean... _whoo!_ " Chi popped up on the desk.

"You were hiding under the desk that whole time, weren't you?" he asked.

"NO!" Doc vehemently denied. Chi continued to stare. "Okay maybe, but you were hiding too!"

"Eh, what can I say, we Churches have a sad, sad tendency to be cowards. Especially toward women. Now, the original's daughter, not to mention his _wife_ , don't have that problem. Course, they're the two we're most afraid of, so that might have something to do with it," the hologram said with a shrug.

"Whipped," Doc muttered.

"Tex."

"Withdrawn."

/*/

Marley snarled at the stern blond. "Who are you?" she growled, reverting her secondary weapon, which she was considering turning into her primary, to its melee form, the wicked olive green blades curving away from her forearms.

"Glenda Goodwitch. Why were you chasing that boy?" the young woman said. Emily tilted her head slightly to the left.

"Glenda... from team GRNT?" she asked. Glenda nodded and Marley turned to her best friend, a question in her eyes.

/*/

"Wouldn't that hurt? Having a question in your eye?" Chi asked.

"Depends on how big the question is," Doc answered.

" **You stole my line!** " regenengel3 declared, eyes wide and mouth open in surprise.

"Ah, our little Doc is growing up. Oh~! I promised myself I wouldn't cry~!" Chi remarked dramatically.

" **Oh shut up,** " regenengel3 said, cuffing the little A.I.

"Seriously. Broken," said A.I. growled, rubbing his head. Regenengel3 just grinned at him.

" **On with the show!** "

/*/

"Her team specializes in damage control and urban defense. Their Semblances help with keeping damage to a minimum, as well as repairing it. Glenda's is," Emily said, before the cylinder of Marley's syringe hit her in the head. "OW!"

"Telekinesis? Fascinating!" Marley exclaimed, eyes twinkling.

"Why were you chasing the boy?" Glenda repeated face blank and voice bland.

"Geez, broken record much?" Marley grumbled, causing Glenda to glare. "Fine! I wanted to figure out how his Semblance related to his ADHD, how they were connected, if one manifested because of the other..."

"What if it was because of a poor home life?" Glenda cut in. Marley blinked and Emily slowly made her way back to her feet.

"Are you saying... his parents abused him?" she asked. Glenda's shoulder twitched.

"I really couldn't say either way," she said, turning to leave. "Do try to contain your enthusiasm ladies. It wouldn't be a good idea to break your teammate, now would it?" Marley and Emily shared a look and sighed heavily.

"Leave it to Goodwitch to put a damper on things," Emily said. Marley sighed again and collected her syringe.

"Let's go back to the dorm. Caleb will come back when he notices we're not following him anymore," she said. And so, the two medics returned to their worried Team Leader and informed him that their manic phase had passed, much to his relief.

/*/

" **CUT!** " regenengel3 yelled, swinging her arms to the side like a baseball umpire calling a play.

"Well... that was interesting," Doc remarked dryly.

"You stole my voice!" Chi declared, pointing a dramatic finger at Doc. The man shrugged.

"Eh, all part of going mad, isn't it? Use other people's voices?" Chi and regenengel3 shivered.

" **Ya know, I think it's his acceptance of it that makes it so scary,** " the author whispered to the A.I. Chi could only nod in agreement. " **Also, for those who are curious, here's a small description of Marley at Beacon. Cheers!** " Chi snapped his head around just in time to catch a visor full of purple bees.

"Purple bees?! Why!?" he declared. Doc was quite glad he had a full face helmet.

/&/

{Marlene White – member of team JEMC

Role: medic; surgeon. Second in Command.

Main Weapon: Melee Form; Shepard's Crook. Ranged Form; shotgun.

Secondary Weapon: Melee Form; large blade tonfa. Ranged Form; syringe launcher

Semblance: emotion control, capable of inducing calm so deep it drives the victim into a coma or rage so great it causes the victim to go on a bloody rampage. And anything in between.( _Ozpin felt a shiver of extensional dread when he read what she could do... though he did note that it was an invaluable resource for a medic._ )

Battle Uniform: black boots, dark brown canvas pants, dark brown vest over a long-sleeved, dark green shirt, black utility belt filled with extra dust ammo for her shotgun and vials for her syringes, as well as replacement syringes.}

/?/

"P **lease leave a review behind of what you'd like to see in the RWBY!Verse.**

 **1) who should they meet next?**

 **2) I have a plan for when Marley meets Teams JNPR and RWBY, so they can show up, but they'd be babies.**

 **3) What RvB/PRCF characters do you want to see next? Keep in mind, Marley is part of Summer Rose's (Ruby's mom) generation.**

 **4) What should the next person's Semblance be and why.**

 **5) What kingdom should they be from and why.**

 **Until next time!**

 **Have a Blessed Day,**

 **regenengel3.**


	7. Show 6

*The familiar Blood Gulch Blues plays as The Booth fades into view. *

" **Oi, to anyone who's made it this far: congratulations! Apparently, it's a little hard to follow these. Please, let me know if I need to change anything about my set up for this story and if so, what and how? So far I've had a lot of fun with this, but I know it's a little odd. Personally, that's what makes this particular fic so much fun for me. But I digress,** " regenegel3 said, interrupting the show before The Booth could come fully into view. " **So yeah. If there's something you want changed, like the frequency of the Peanut Gallery interrupting the story or the Peanut Gallery interrupting at all, let me know and I'll change it for future Shows. Thank you and have a nice trip!** " *The Booth comes into full view and the author is... crouched behind Doc's chair?*

"Good day folks! I'm Doc..."

"Oi! What happened to the titles?!" Chi asked. Doc shrugged.

"Eh, felt like too much work," he said.

" **Oi! Don't go getting all lazy on me Doc!** " regenengel3 declared, leaping over the medic with a Author Power assisted jump. The medic shrugged.

"Regenegel3 does not own Red vs Blue and is just doing this for fun. That being said, have fun with this next show called..."

 **{Show 6: I Do What Now?}**

"Today we rejoin the brave soldiers of Project Red and Blue team as they get pestered by their younger selves," Doc finished as the title popped up above him... formed from the purple sparks regenegel3's return leap over the desk left behind. The fact that she vanished before she touched the ground was completely overlooked.

"Seriously, are we not introducing ourselves anymore?" Chi asked. Doc shrugged.

"This is more interesting," he answered honestly. "Now shush! I want to see what stories they're going to traumatize their younger selves with!" The Booth fell silent as the destroyed training ground came into view.

/*/

Thirteen year old Dex frowned, his face twisted into a mask of confusion. "Okay, let me get this straight," he said, then pointed to Flowdie. "He was your," he pointed to Tucker and Church, "Captain, but he _apparently_ died from an... aspirin overdose... before he," The Finger was then directed toward Caboose, "arrived in the canyon."

"Yep," Church said with a nod.

"And she," Dex pointed at Marley, "was a member of a top secret military project dedicated to something not even she knew."

"Correctamundo!" Marley said with a grin, swinging her legs off the surprisingly intact pillar she was sitting on.

"Then, she had visions of the future burned into her brain via _dreaming_ , faked her death, went rogue, and got others out of the project while also blowing up aliens."

"Uh-huh," Marley replied again, bobbing her head.

"And when she heard about Blood Gulch, she came, kidnapped my older self, and dropped him in an active war zone."

"Yep," said Grif, glaring at the all-too-cheerful Marley.

"And that somehow snapped you out of deep depression and apathy, allowing you to actually become a decent soldier? And then she did similar things to the rest of your team?" Dex continued, deciding to ignore the grown-ups antics.

"Yeah, that about sums it up," Rick said with a nod. Dex shook his head at them in amazement.

"I'd ask when I finally go insane, but I think we already covered that," he said, causing the soldiers to crack up.

/*/

Chi nodded while Doc snickered. "Indeed, young Dexter, you go mad the moment you get drafted by Project Freelancer, then kicked down the rabbit hole without a parachute the moment Marley drags you into her ship," he said.

" **Oh, good one, Chi! I'll have to remember that,** " regenegel3 said, scribbling the saying down in her notepad. Which appeared as randomly as she did.

"Happy to help," the A.I. chirped happily, though there was a hint of dark mischief in his voice. Doc just sighed and restarted the show.

"I'm surrounded by crazy," he muttered to himself.

/*/

Once he got himself under control, Rick threw an arm around the young Grif's shoulders. "Kid, if it wasn't clear by now, we're gonna be great friends in the future," he said with a wide grin. Dex wasn't too sure how to respond to that, but the fond smirk on his older face and the softness in his eyes told him it was a good thing.

"Yeah, our friendship is more like brotherhood... but it didn't start out that way," Grif said, causing his teammates to snicker. "Oh you laugh now, but when we first met, Rick hated me was a _passion!_ " the orange clad soldier maintained.

"Yeah, I remember our first week together," Red reminisced.

"Heh, I'm still surprised you believed me when I pined the blame on Rick," Grif said, his best friend shaking his head in rueful amusement.

"You were a right jerk, ya know that?" the man said. Grif shrugged while Red scoffed out a,

"'Were?' Try 'are'!"

"Hey, it's a defense mechanism," Grif defended. "Anyway, I was the lazy idiot who did everything he could to do the least that he could while Rick here was a teacher's pet... for all that he was a wimpy asthmatic with a sever fear of heights."

"Oh, you weren't just lazy, Grif, you were rude and disorganized and... actually, I'm a bit amazed that I didn't notice when you started to actually keep your half of the room semi-neat," Rick said, drifting off slightly to muse on his own willful blindness.

"Eh, I've always been a disrespectful, rude, disorganized jerk. It's why Kai turned out like she did," Grif said with a shrug and a hint of self-loathing. His comrades, except Caboose, winced.

"Grif," Rick began, but Eagle laid a hand on his shoulder.

"I may be the youngest in my family, but even I know... nothing you say can make it even remotely better. Big brother guilt is too strong for anyone but the cause of the guilt to even come close to so much as _touching_ it," the sniper told him. Rick sighed, falling into a slump.

"I know but... he's my twin," he said, his voice just barely above a whisper. Eagle nodded in understanding and looked over at Church.

"A little help here?" he asked. Church gave him the bland look only a mildly psychopathic A.I. in a robot body could.

"I'm a computer program, not a psychologist," he droned. "What do you want from me?" Rick shook his head with a fond smile.

"Let it go, Eagle. It's fine, really," he said.

"See kids? This is _exactly_ what I meant," Eagle said, addressing the kids on their level, pointing toward Rick. Frank and Mike chuckled, but Dex and Richard both pouted and crossed their arms.

"Ya know... I wonder where _our_ younger counterparts are," Flowdie told Marley. She shrugged.

"It's because the universe wouldn't be able to handle that much crazy. You'd break the World Tree and then we'd be stuck trying to fix it, living our lives on an endless re-loop," Church said seriously.

/*/

"Once more, my reference sense tingles," Chi intoned. Doc sighed.

"Stop. Just... stop," he said, leaning his head against the desk. "Regenengel3 seems to _really_ like her references so every time you mention it..." he sighed again, sitting up while shaking his head. "Ya know what? Forget it. I'm past caring at this point," he remarked before returning to the show.

/*/

"Oh, and two of the rest of you aren't going to break the world?" Marley asked, quirking an eyebrow at them.

"Exactly. We were actually _sane_ as teens. Except maybe Red. Looks like he's always been a little cracked," Tucker said.

"Oh really?" Flowdie drawled, quirking an eyebrow.

"Really," the cyan soldier defended, crossing his arms.

"Hey," young Lavernius piped up, staring at his older counterpart, "what happened there?" he asked, poking at a barely noticeable scar on the man's face.

"Oh. I got dope slapped by a Freelancer," Tucker said with a shrug.

"Which one?" Grif asked.

"Washington," Tucker said. "Crazy guy decided he just _had_ to train me and I was... resisting." Church gave a mirthless chuckle.

"Understatement," he said. The teen version of his friend turned curious eyes on the robot, nearly compelling him to tell the story. "You see, it all started with a Civil War that began in Valhalla, spilled out into Sandtrap, got lead by a possessed Mongoose to an Off-Site Storage Facility, then got completely derailed by an obsessed A.I. fragment based off the memory of my dead wife before these idiots crashed a Pelican into the middle of the Freelancer Fight, just about everyone faked their deaths, and to make up for trying to kill us, the ex-Freenacers, who had taken the name of Phantoms and become a third Team, decided to train us all. Now, Marley, Flowdie, Ed, and Jack had already chosen students, though Marley snagged a whole Team, cheating little... Anyway! The former Agent Washington, we call him Dave just to irritate him, decided to take Tucker under his wing. Well, Tucker didn't want to learn how to be a soldier. In his own words he is 'a lover, not a fighter.' Which, I have to tell you, O Dearly Beloved, is Tucker-baka's go-to excuse."

"Tucker-baka?" everyone echoed.

/*/

In The Booth, Chi and Doc echoed it as well, Doc even going so far as to pause the show. "While I agree 'I'm a lover, not a' fill in the blank _is_ Tucker's go-to excuse... baka?" Doc asked.

"It's Japanese for 'idiot' or 'stupid,'" Chi informed him, and those in the audience who didn't know.

"How does that explain why an A.I. based off a Southern Doctor from the U.S. would call his best friend 'baka' rather than idiot," Doc pointed out.

" **Confession time. I'm a low level otaku,** " regenegel3 admitted, appearing in a swirl of leaves.

"Wait... the leaves, the smoke... are you a fan of _Naruto_?" Chi asked.

" **Only the second series. Before the two year time-skip Naruto was just a little bit... too much,** " regenegel3 said.

"Ah," the A.I. remarked, picking up the remote and starting the show again. As the characters stared at Church in confusion, Chi looked at the remote in nothing less than shock. "Wait... how did I do that?" Regenengel3 was pointedly _not_ smirking and her right hand was _certainly_ not glowing a purple-green that matched Chi's hologram.

/*/

"Yeah, because he's an idiot, now shush," Church declared, waving a hand at them. "Now, Dave isn't one to take no for an answer, especially when it comes to training, so he would follow Tucker around, nagging him. At one point, Dave even went so far as to _shoot_ at the lazy bag of bones."

"Ah~! To hear that directed at someone other than myself~! Rick, I forgive you for laughing at my pain now," Grif said, nodding to his friend who scoffed and shook his head.

"I didn't laugh at your pain... I laughed at Sarge's ignorance," he said. Grif blinked, regarding his friend with great confusion.

"Say what now?"

"Oh yeah, I may have been willfully blind toward you being a Red Agent, but I'm still not as blind as Red," Rick said, waving Grif's confusion aside. "I knew you weren't just a lazy bag of bones when you started doing three year old level chores, even if your side of the room looks like an overworked college student's dorm."

"Hey, I'm telling the story here!" Church cut in, exiting his robot so he could glare at the two Reds properly.

"Ya know... I just realized something," Eagle said, tilted his head to the right.

"Yeah? What?" Church asked, expression going from 'highly annoyed' to 'mildly interested.'

"You introduced yourself as 'Leonard' Church, not Alpha. Why?" That brought everyone up short. The rather realistic looking hologram cupped his chin in thought.

"Huh, you're right. Must have just been close proximity to Epsilon for an extended period of time. He has this annoying habit of transferring memories to me ya know. Course, it helps my All Knowing Big Brother persona, but the carry-overs are a little annoying. I mean, thinking of Allison as my wife is a little, eh. And sometimes, if I'm not careful, I start thinking of Carolina as my daughter. How weird is that, right?" Church said.

"You look more like my uncle than me," the younger Church remarked. The soldiers, and A.I., turned to the teens.

"Huh, looks like we forgot about the minis," Red remarked.

"Hey, you were talking about Kai earlier..." Dex began but Alpha Church the Magnificent Hologram of Awesomeness...

/*/

" **AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!** " regenegel3 yelled, knotting her fingers in her hair. Doc and Chi turned toward her. She liked to think it was in concern, but it might have been curiosity. Shock? Eh, they were looking at her anyway.

"You okay?" Chi asked.

" **NOOOOOOO! ALPHA CHURCH HAS HACKED MY STORY!** " the author wailed, hitting her head against the desk. Chi and Doc shared a look.

"O... kay. And why do you say that?" asked Doc, notepad once more in hand.

" **There's no other explanation. I would never give him that title. NEVER!** " regenegel3 declared heatedly. The other two shrugged and went back to the show.

/*/

… glared at him.

"Oi, can't a guy finish a story anymore?" he asked with dry venom. How venom could be dry, no-one was really sure, but somehow, the A.I. managed it. Dex snapped his mouth shut and help up his hands with an unapologetic smirk. "Thank you. Now, as I was saying before names and annoying habits of my A.I. brothers interrupted us, Dave had gone so far as to shoot at Tucker to motivate him. Our dear, lazy, Tucker didn't take to kindly to that, so he turns around and starts yelling at the former Freelancer. So, Dave goes all still and I could have sworn the temperature dropped a few degrees as he glared at the ranting idiot before he punches Tucker in the face so hard, it knocked his helmet off. That wasn't enough, because Tucker started yelling about _that_ too. Dave _growls_ and slaps the mess out of the fool with his titanium armored hand. 'Shut up and get moving or the next time it's a knife,' Dave snarled at the bleeding idiot. Tucker shut up and got moving."

"That... was the lamest scar story ever. Of all time," Teen!Red remarked. Once more, the soldiers cracked up while Red turned the color of his armor.

"Ho man! And Dave isn't even here!" Eagle sang.

"I know! That's what makes it so gosh darn _funny!_ " gasped Rick.

"Well, I'm glad I can amuse you," Red growled, trying his best to loom over his former subordinates, but seeing as he was at least three inches shorter than Eagle, and a good half foot shorter than Rick, it was a little difficult. It was even more so considering the fact both men had ceased being afraid of him years ago.

"I'm glad you're glad," they said at the same time, carefree grins plastered across their faces. Grif chuckled, slinging his arms around their shoulders.

"I am so proud of you two right now, you don't even know," he said with a down right _evil_ smile on his face. Frank and Richard turned to Dex.

"Oh, hey, don't look at me! I'm the _sane_ version, remember?" the teen said, holding up his hands and backing away.

"Maybe, but you're still acting like you're older than us," Richard said, crossing his arms.

"Me and Rick are practically twins and I've claimed Eagle as my little brother. Tucker's being considered for possible future brother-in-law status, but it's going to take a lot for him to move up past 'imaginary friend,'" Grif said 'helpfully.' Dex blinked.

"The guy who likes to make dirty jokes? You're considering _him_ for a possible candidate to be Kai's _husband?!_ What is _wrong_ with you?!" he ranted, eye's going wild.

"Eh, he's really not that bad... once you threaten him with a fate worse than Blood Gulch in Summer with Officer Hot Pants," Grif took a moment to shudder theatrically, "even if such a thing is hard to imagine."

"Oh? So I actually managed to scar you? Sweet," Eagle grinned wickedly.

"Aw man, I _knew_ the farm would drive me nutso!" Frank wailed, staring at his older self in terror. "I just _knew_ it! NO! I don't want to turn out like Grandpa Jed! Or Great Uncle Ted! NOOOO!"

"You did not turn into Grandpa! Or Crazy Uncle Ted. You got out in time... but you did end up somewhere even _crazier_ than the family farm," Eagle told him.

"Oh, well, in _that_ case... _THAT DOESN'T HELP!_ " Frank bellowed, glaring at his older counterpart.

"Yikes. Never thought I'd be scared of a sleepy place like _Iowa_ , and yet, I find myself filled with dread at the thought of visiting. How odd," Grif drawled, regarding Frank with open curiousity.

"It's people like you that make me wary of visiting Hawaii, I'll have you know," Rick remarked drily.

"And people like Kai that make me want to hit the beaches! Bow chika bow wow," Tucker cut in with a smirk... before he was sent flying from Grif's punch.

"Heh. Grif _POUNCH!_ " Church chuckled, grinning at the spot where his teammate vanished.

"HA! See? It _isn't_ just us that like retro gaming!" Flowdie cheered. Marley glared at the man.

"It's a _Church_ , Flowdie. Forgive me if I am wholly and utterly unsurprised by his nerdom. Especially considering he's an A.I. based off of a mad scientist," she drawled.

"Wait... I go mad?" Leo asked, jade eyes going wide.

"Grief, it changes a man," Flowdie said wisely, nodding his head at the boy.

"Not to mention war, isolation, verbal abuse, university physics, and have a little blue version of yourself talking back to you. Oh! And having your test subjects prank you to Harvest and back," Church added, nodding along. Pretty much everyone blinked at that.

"Okay... what?" Leo asked, a little afraid of what his future held.

"Hey wait... guys... I just realized something," Tucker said, turning to Leo. "We have the thirteen year old _Director of Project Freelancer_ here," he expounded. Everyone above thirteen turned to the now _highly_ uncomfortable Leo.

"Huh. You're right Tucker. Now, what do you propose we do with him?" Grif said. Church's hologram took on a distinctly _disturbing_ smile.

"Oh, I have a few stories saved up and this... this seems like the _perfect_ time to pull them out," he said, a screen popping up behind him, "literally _~!_ " he finished with a purr. Shivers run down the others' backs.

"That... was one of the most terrifying sounds... I have ever heard," Teen!Tucker said.

"I've heard worse," Teen!Sarge and Dex said in unison.

"Don't care~!" Alpha sang, his hologram devolving into a blue armored SPARTAN as he rubbed his hands together with a cackle. "Let the show _begin~!_ "

/*/

"For the sake of our reader's sanity," Doc began.

"And because something tells me regenegel3 _doesn't_ , in fact, know embarrassing and/or traumatizing stories from the Director's past," Chi added.

"We are not going to show what, exactly, Alpha Church showed the thirteen year old version of Leonard Church. On behalf of regenegel3, who is busy smashing her head against a wall trying to come up with a way to make the Civil War spill out into Sandtrap so that the Mongoose can get possessed to lead to the off-site storage facility, I ask that you use your amazing imaginations to come up with what poor Leo might be witnessing."

/*/

"I'm never going to look at kumquats the same way ever again," Leo muttered, eyes wide, while everyone above thirteen _died_!

"Oh oh! I've got something!" Grif said, grinning. "True, it's not as good as yours," he added, nodding to Alpha Church.

"Dude, I don't think _any_ of us could top _that!_ " Rick said, also grinning.

"True, true... but it is gonna traumatize the minis!" Grif said.

"Tell on my good man, tell on," Eagle waved.

"Gladly," Grif grinned. "Now, see, it takes a _lot_ to scar a _normal_ SPARTAN... and yes, I do realize what an absolute _fallacy_ that statement is, now hush... but for a guy like me? It's only _marginally_ easier. This heavy armor isn't just for show ya know? But, that said, I have my fair share of scars and as everyone knows, each scar tells a story."

"I thought we did this bit already?" Tucker asked, looking a little uneasy. Grif's grin certainly didn't help.

"Oh, we did... but I only mentioned my _tamer_ scars!" the weapons master said, causing the swordsman to pale considerably. "And that's not to mention the scars I've accumulated since then!" Grif found Tucker's whimpers _quite_ amusing. "Now, the one on my chest... it's pretty epic. I'd show you if I could but... this armor's a _pain_ to take off so you'll just have to take my word for it." The other soldiers chuckled.

"Kids, Grif is prone to exaggeration, but this armor really is a pain to remove so... yeah. Besides, I think I know the one he's talking about, so I can vouch," Marley said. Grif smirked.

"Nice to know you care, Marley," he quipped, causing her to shrug.

"Just get on with the carnage, Agent," she told him, waving dismissively at the man.

"Yes ma'am, Agent Black," he answered with a salute that managed to be both cheeky and sincere. "So, there was a unit of UNSC troops holed up in a cave, pinned own by a bunch of insurrectionists. Marley caught their SOS and decide to crash the party. Of course, she wasn't stupid enough to crash it by herself, so she came and got me. Of course, this is us I'm talking about, so as soon as we reach the area things start going wrong. I _fall_ out of the Pelican, Marley gets shoot off course, and I land on a Gravity Hammer. Now, normally this wouldn't be too big of a deal, but as soon as I rolled _off_ of the Gravity Hammer, a grenade got shot not even three feet above me! The blast, combined with the fall, nearly did me in, but I knew Marley was counting on me for back up, so I grabbed a gun and started shooting, aiming for the joints. Insurrectionist armor isn't as good as SPARTAN, so I destroyed a good number of joints and took several enemy soldiers down."

"Oh, so that's when you got practice hitting the joints. I had wondered," Rick remarked.

"Why?" Dex asked.

"Oh, because when we were reassigned to Rat's Nest, Sargent Dexter over here had a thing about going for the knees. Especially the knee _caps_ ," Rick answered. Grif scoffed.

"And who was known as the Elbow Destroyer, hum?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow at his teammate. Rick chuckled, mildly self-conscious. Richard gaped at his older self.

"You... what?!" he squeaked. The Blues were curious as well.

"Yeah, say what?" Tucker asked. "I thought you were the nice one." Eagle laughed.

"Rick? Nice? Heh, most of the time, yeah, but when it comes to a fight? Dude's vicious," he said.

"What about you?" Frank asked. Eagle smirked.

"Well, I'm a sniper. What do you think?" he asked. Frank swallowed heavily and inched away from his older self.

"Ah relax! He's only vicious when he needs to be. Though... he does have a habit of messing with your head. Oh! And if he ever goes monosyllabic on you... hide. In a cave. Behind a rock," Rick said with a grin.

"Okay, we've heard from Rick, Grif, Alpha on behalf of Leo, and about Eagle. What about me?" Teen!Tucker asked. The Reds grinned evilly and Alpha chuckled darkly.

"You... get impregnated by an Elite while you were stupidly sleeping in the same area and gave birth ah la Alien. And don't worry, you'll learn what an Elite is later," Marley said. Flowdie shook his head.

"Congratulations, you broke Tucker before he even had the chance to live," he said.

"Meh, no great loss," Alpha remarked... then got Whacked by Eagle's A.I. Whacking ThingTM courtesy of Adult!Tucker.

"Idiot," the soldier remarked, tossing the Eagle's A.I. Whacking ThingTM back to the grinning sniper.

"Sure you don't want to keep it?" said grinning sniper asked. Tucker shrugged.

"Eh, I might. Or you could just throw it at his head the next time he says something stupid," he said. Eagle nodded.

"I can do that," he said, tucking his A.I. Whacking ThingTM into his personal Hammer Space(Marley had _finally_ decided that was where everything went. Even if she wasn't too sure how it worked... Even if she used it herself.)

/*/

"A~nd that's as good a stopping place as any," Doc declared. Chi snapped his head to his host.

"Really?" he asked.

"Yep. I really don't want to listen to a Caboose!Story or a Red!Story and they're about the only ones left," Doc said with a nod.

"Ah. Got cha. Well! I'm Chi 'the Sarcastic One' Church."

"And I'm Doc the Medic."

"And this is the Project Red Spin-Off Show, signing off!"

/

/

/

" **Aw man! I missed the outro! Oh well. Review and let me know what scenes in the life of Dr. Church you think Alpha showed the teen version!** "


	8. Show 7

*The Theme plays and The Booth comes into focus. *

" **Okay, so... I had to make one of these...** " regenegel3 said, hijacking the Show before it began _again_. Of course, after reviewing the material for the day, Doc and Chi couldn't help but agree that her interruption was warranted.

"Alright viewers, we've got a doozy for you this time. It's a Caboose Special folks!" Chi declared.

 **{Show 7: A Different Caboose}**

"Can I get some aspirin in here?" Doc asked. He was ignored.

" **Also, this is an AU of Margret Caboose, beginning just after Margret said it must have been hard on Caboose, getting talked down to all the time. Enjoy!** " regenegel3 said before vanishing.

/*/

Caboose shook his head at his sister. "Not as hard as you might think, Cap," he said, sounding far more serious than his team had heard him before. "It's actually kinda nice, being at the bottom again. No-one expecting anything from me, no-one worrying about making me mad by speaking their mind... It's been kinda relaxing." Tucker was fairly sure his mind was just blown.

/*/

In The Booth, Doc and Chi weren't much better. "Wait... I know the title was 'A Different Caboose' but... is this an alternate reality where Caboose is just _pretending_ to have severe brain damage?" Doc queried, notebook already in hand.

" **Yeah... turns out... I had a really hard time writing a stupid Caboose with a smart sister... and I didn't want to dumb down the sister... so...** " regenengel3 confessed, kicking at the floor in the corner where she had reappeared.

"Eh, this is good too," Doc said, barely even paying attention to the uncomfortable author.

" **I did manage to re-write this scenario to where he's still damaged but... I still wanted to play around with this one. Enjoy everybody!** " regenengel3 told the camera before she vanished again. Chi could have sworn he heard her muttering something about avoiding the flaming rotten tomatoes. What was that about?

/*/

"Does not compute. Does not compute. Reboot. Reboot. Reboot," Church repeated, sounding rather robotic.

/*/

"Still really feel for you, Big Bro," Chi said while Doc snickered.

/*/

Tucker smacked the back of his friend's head, knocking him out of his shock. "Thanks."

"No problem," Tucker said, rather distracted by the smiling Captain and suddenly revealed Second Lieutenant.

"Hey... have they ever seen you without your helmet?" Margret suddenly asked, jerking her head toward the other two Blues. Caboose chuckled and took off his helmet to smirk at his sister.

"Nope. Too many questions," he said, lips tugging a small scar taunt against pale skin. Tucker had always imagined Caboose to be blond with bright blue eyes, but he got a bit of a surprise. The not-a-rookie had short cropped, chestnut brown hair, blue-green hazel eyes, and a rather impressive collection of facial scars.

"How many times did your visor get broken?" Tucker found himself asking. Caboose chuckled, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly.

"A lot?" he offered, eyes almost pleading his teammate's to believe him. Margret laughed heartily.

"So many times he actually got told off by the armor master for it," she said. "Sometimes it felt like he broke a helmet every mission!"

"I wasn't that bad!" Caboose contested. Margret gave him a 'really bro?' look that spoke volumes to the other Blues. "It was every five missions," Caboose said, looking away, a faint blush on his cheeks.

" _Right~!_ " Margret trilled, giving him that special, teasing smile only a big sister could pull off. "That's not often at all!"

/*/

Chi chuckled. "Okay, I like this Caboose. The Sarcasm is _strong_ with this one!" Doc groaned.

"Oh great... now there's two of them," he said.

/*/

Church decided it would be best if they moved to the living room, which was hidden below the main bulk of the base. Margret and Caboose were chatting happily when Kai walked in and froze. "Hey... who's the new girl? And why does she look like Caboose?" she asked.

"This is my sister, Margret," Caboose said, gesturing to the woman beside him. Kai blinked, then contacted her brother.

"Dex~! We've got another Caboose here~!" she sang, clearly unsettled.

"I'll bring the grenade launcher," Dex replied.

"Ah! No! She seems more like you than Caboose."

"She...? OH! One of Caboose's sisters showed up?"

"You knew he had sisters?! And you never told me?!" Kai exclaimed.

"Calm down Kai. I'm still coming... but I'm bringing the missile launcher instead of the grenades," Dex said soothingly. Kai groaned.

"He's bringing the big guns, isn't he?" Tucker asked, giving her a sympathetic look. How he managed to be sympathetic to _that_ , no-one had a clue, but he managed.

"Eyup," Kai said with a sigh.

"Um..." Margret began, raising a hand.

"Um?" Kai answered, turning to the older woman with a quirked eyebrow.

"Who's Dex, why is he bringing the big guns, and why is he," Margret pointed to Tucker, who was curled over and holding his head while moaning, "acting like a scared child?"

"My brother, Caboose is practically a walking disaster, and Tucker is scared out of his wits by Dex for some reason," Kai replied, shrugging off the incredulous looks she received with a practiced ease.

"Yeah, because he threatened to turn him into Swiss cheese before beating him into the ground if he so much as looked at you wrong!" Church exclaimed. Caboose chuckled.

"You're exaggerating, Church," he said smoothly, though not without a good dose of dark glee. "Dex told us no-one would ever find our bodies if something happened to his sister," he finished with an all too cheerful grin. Church gave him what would have been a baleful glare.

"I hate you. So much," he growled.

/*/

"Huh. Seems that no matter what reality you go to, Church is always a bit of a jerk," Doc remarked. Chi turned to him.

"I'm not a jerk," he remarked.

"Alright. But Alpha and Leonard were both jerks. Not to mention Sigma and O'Malley and Gary..." Doc said, ticking off the various Churches that were jerks.

"Okay okay, point taken," Chi said, waving the medic down.

/*/

Caboose just continued to grin at him. "Love you too, Best Friend who Nearly Gave me Brain Damage," he snarked, leaning back and putting an arm around his sister.

Tucker passed out.

Kai gaped.

Church offlined.

Caboose laughed. "Ah~! Payback~! It's a wonderful thing~!" he sang gleefully.

"Wait... what?" Dex asked from where he stood in the doorway, missile launcher in his hands.

"Oh... uh... hi?" Caboose offered, waving at the Red.

"You must be Kai's brother," Margeret remarked, extracting herself from the couch and her brother.

"I only heard there was _one_ Caboose on my level here, not _two!_ And since when were _you_ actually _smart?!_ " Dex balked, pointing to Micheal Caboose. The man was a bit sheepish, a hint of a blush on his cheeks.

"The whole time?" he offered. Dex sighed and shook his head, setting down the missile launcher.

"Can't believe I'm saying this, but I think I'm going to follow Tucker's example. Good night," he said before falling unceremoniously to the floor like a marionette with its strings cut.

/*/

"Well, that's all for now folks!"

"Really, Doc?"

"You really want to keep watching this?" Doc asked, motioning to the unconscious soldiers and the gossiping Cabooses.

"Ah. Good point. Leave a review on your way out!"

" **Good night everybody!** "


	9. Show 8

*Theme and Booth*

"Hello~! I'm Chi 'The Sarcastic One' Church..."

"Ya know, you haven't been very sarcastic lately. You feeling alright?"

"Shut up Doc, you're insane."

"Insanely sane, I'll have you know." Regenegel3 shook her head at the arguing pair and addressed the camera.

" **Normally I'd have my minions do this for me, but they're a little...** "

"I'm _very_ sarcastic, thank you very much Mr. 'I treat bullet wounds to the foot with aloe vera to the neck!'"

"HEY! I'll have you know he made a full recovery!"

"R~i~g~h~t~! Was that before or _after_ the affected toe fell off?"

" **... busy at the moment,** " regenengel3 finished with a comical sweatdrop hanging off her head. " **Anyway!** " and the sweatdrop was gone, " **I've got something of a special for you today!** "

"You don't get to tell me off you melodramatic bunch of ones and zeros!"

 **{Show 8: The Freelancers meet the BGC!}**

"Hey... when did the show start?"

"PAY ATTENTION YOU MEDICAL SCHOOL DROP OUT!"

"Harsh."

"TRUE!"

" **When the rest of the Freelancers met the Reds and Blues, it was chaos.**

 **When the Reds met the remaining Freelancers, it was with yelling.**

 **When the Blues met the other Freelancers, it was with shock.**

 **When Oregon brought them, she laughed.**

 **Florida groaned at his mad love.**

 **This... is the story of how Project Freelancer met the BGC,** " regenegel3 said, ignoring the arguing pair behind her.

/*/

It took four Pelicans, but the Freelancers managed to get down to the valley. When they did, they were greeted by sniper shots, grenades, and some supremely irritated A.I. "DON'T TAKE ANOTHER STEP YOU BACKSTABBING MONEY GRUBBERS! WE DON'T TAKE KINDLY TO YOUR KIND HERE!" yelled a voice from a rocky perch. A voice that sounded semi-familiar. As realization dawned on him, Arizona decided he wanted a drink.

"INDEED, YOU OVERLY COMPETITIVE SUPER SCHMUCKS!" a new voice called from halfway up the canyon wall. "SO JUST GET BACK IN YOUR PELICANS AND FLY ON HOME, YOU BLOODY ANNOYING COCKROACHES!" It was at this point that Rhode Island hit 'record' on his helmet, sensing a rather _interesting_ encounter.

"CONGRATULATIONS! YOU GOT BURGUNDY TO SAY MORE THAN TEN WORDS! USUALLY, HE'S VERY GOOD AT MAINTAINING RADIO SILENCE DURING A MISSION!" yet another voice bellowed from somewhere a little closer than the first voice. Massachusetts hid.

/*/

"Huh... I didn't think Massachusetts was a scaredy cat."

"I don't think he's scared, Chi. I think he's looking for cover from which to retaliate from."

"You sure about that, Doc?"

" **Doc's right. Remember, Massachusetts** _ **is**_ **a highly trained soldier.** "

"I didn't ask you..."

/*/

"Wait..." the first voice said, slightly calmer than before, and a blue helmet appeared from behind a rock. "I... think... I think I know these guys..." There were a few groans before a voice to the blue helmet's right said,

"Al... now's not the time, okay?" This speaker was _also_ rather calm. At least in comparison to the other three. Georgia began humming,

"Why can't we be friends~? Why can't we be friends~?" with his hands in the air. A sniper shot shut him up... without actually hitting him. It seemed they'd be allowed to leave without bloodshed. But then... why had Oregon brought them here if the people didn't want them around? While his fellows were struggling to figure that little dilemma out, Hawaii was just there.

/*/

"HAHAHAHA! 'Hawaii was just there.' HA! Okay. I... I did _not_ expect _Hawaii_ to be the one who was 'just there.'"

"Who did you expect, Chi?"

"Alabama."

"Huh..."

" **Hey! No dissing the Home State!** "

"Regenengel3... you do realize that this whole story is dissing _someone's_ home state... right?"

" **Ye~ah~! But it's also making a couple other Home States freak'n** _ **awesome!**_ **So what's the problem? It's not like I'm pulling a Hetalia and using potentially offensive stereotypes like they're candy now am I?** "

"... Your mind works in odd ways."

"Coming from you, Chi... that's a little eery."

"I'm not the Director, Doc! Geez. And besides, I'm an A.I. Centuries of psychological knowledge is at my metaphysical fingertips. I can honestly say, her mind works in odd ways. And yes, regenegel3, there are some potentially offensive stereotypes in here."

" **Way to... eh, ya know what? I lost my train of thought somewhere in the Field of Milk and Cookies.** " Chi and Doc shared significant looks... through their helmets. " **Still fascinated by how you do that,** " the author said, giving them a sidelong look. " **Anyway, I said that I didn't use those stereotypes 'like candy,' Chi. There is a difference between 'sometimes' and 'using it like candy.' Please, do learn the difference.** "

"Yeah yeah..."

/*/

"Hey, Dave! Come here a minute would you?" Al asked. This prompted another blue soldier, this one with achingly familiar yellow accents on his armor, to walk over. Upon seeing just _who_ had his men up in arms, Washington shut down. Humming softly but unwilling to risk a sniper round to the forehead for moving, Mississippi turned his head toward the first blue helmet.

"Is he still alive?" he asked, nodding to Washington. A third blue armored soldier popped up and began to laugh while the first helmet-palmed with a gusty sigh.

"Yeah, but I think he's in shock!" the third Blue said, walking forward. "I'm Tucker, that's Alpha Church," Tucker pointed to the helmet-palming soldier, "Dave," he pointed to the apparently comatose Washington, "Kai," a yellow soldier popped up and waved cheerfully at them all.

"Hi!"

"K~AI! Don't just randomly wave at people who have a history of backstabbing!-"

/*/

"CA~RL!" Doc randomly called. Regenegel3 gave him a Look while Chi muttered,

"You just love to set off my Reference Sense, don't cha?"

/*/

"-They generally are _not_ good people!" a man in dark orange and gray armor yelped as he leaped over his rock to berate the young woman.

"Aw~! Dex~!" she whined, clearly knowing the man quite well.

"Don't you 'aw Dex' me!" the man growled, looming over the woman. "I've put up with that crud for _far_ longer than I ever should have!" The Freelancers watched, fascinated, as the woman bowed her head and scuffed at the ground with her toes like a chastised child. There was _history_ there, they could feel it. Alabama folded her legs beneath her and sat on the ground, observing the chaos around her with the air of someone enjoying their favorite sit-com. Oregon was pretty sure she was grinning.

"DEX! That is no way to speak to a lady!" a man in red and gray armor cried as he darted out from behind the only tree the Freelancers could see in the canyon and waving his shotgun in a somewhat admonishing gesture. Dex turned, giving him the helmet equivalent of a blank look.

"Couple of things there, Red. First, we're the same rank so you _do not_ get to tell me what to do. Second, Kai's a Private meaning that, as a Sargent, I outrank her by a fair margin. Third, this is my baby sister. The sister I left you in charge of when I got reassigned to Rat's Nest as their Sargent. The sister _you_ let run off with a _Freelancer_ to hunt down a _mentally unstable team-killer_ Freelancer. The sister who traded life stories with you while I wasn't looking. So don't you _**dare**_ tell me how I can and cannot speak to her!" Dex ranted. Red looked away... and made eye contact with a smug Freelancer.

/*/

"The Smug is Strong with This One," Doc said seriously. Chi glared at him.

"Seriously? Stop it!"

" **Aw but Chi~! He's been so** _ **good**_ **lately! Let the little mad medic have his fun** ," regenegel3 said, stroking the A.I's head. Chi huffed but let it slide.

/*/

Of course, this led to Illinois getting into an argument with Red. "Well... that happened quickly," Doc remarked, coming out of his hiding spot.

/*/

"Wait... but Doc's here."

" **Chi... we're** _ **inside**_ **the fourth wall. Doc is in both places because this is the Fourth Wall Booth. M'kay?** "

"Author Powers are _so_ broken..."

/*/

Then Kentucky, feeling the lack of open hostility, decided to start a conversation/argument with Dex about Warthogs vs Mongooses. "That was faster," Burgundy remarked dryly from his perch, only visible because he'd decided that reclining against one of the larger boulders and dangling a leg off the ledge was a more comfortable way to watch the chaos down below. The fact that he was watching through his scope made the normally relaxed posture positively threatening.

"Oi Eagle! What do you say we have ourselves a friendly sniper match?" a _very_ familiar voice that pretty much all of the newcomers thought was dead called.

"You're going down, Jack," Burgundy said, voice full of dark glee. No-one quite knew how it happened but cardboard targets just suddenly... appeared. Big ones, small ones, hard ones, easy ones; targets everywhere! And so North Dakota willingly got into a duel with Eagle Eye. Knowing how good North was with his rifle, Colorado started a betting pool on the match.

/*/

"Fifty on North."

"No bet."

"Why~?"

" **I'm here and I like Doc better. I'd make him win. He knows this. Doc is a gentleman.** "

"Sometimes... I hate you."

/*/

Ohio almost immediately put fifty on North. "I'll take that action!" Pennsylvania piped up. "Fifty on Eagle!"

"Why did you call him Eagle? I thought his name was Burgundy?" Ohio asked.

"Because North called him that," Pennsylvania told him. "Burgundy must be his codename." Ohio just nodded as though this made perfect sense. Off to the side, Alaska somehow started a pick-up line competition with Tucker while Arkansas and Rick argued over... no-one was really sure. There was a lot of technobabble going between them. There were only a handful of people who could have understood them and two of said people were already in an argument/heated discussion about the merits of Warthogs vs Mongooses... Mongeese? Honestly, why was a bunch of the waterfowl called 'geese' but the mammals were called 'mongooses'?

"Naming conventions are so messed up," Dex grumbled. Huh, apparently Kentucky had brought that up in their argument.

"I know, right?!" she squeaked. "And what about the Pelican, huh?! Why is it called a Pelican when it doesn't look a thing like 'em?"

/*/

"I think... I think she's flirting with him," Doc muttered to regenegel3. Said author chuckled.

" **Good characters will run away with you, don't 'cha know,** " she remarked.

/*/

California took in the two techno arguments and laughed, "I don't know which is cuter, the grease monkeys or the nerds!" he joked, implying that Arkansas was flirting with Rick while Kentucky was flirting with Dex. Without missing a beat, Rick threw a knife at California, to the approval of Arkansas.

"Nice throw," she commented. Rick chuckled.

"Oh, I've had a _lot_ of practice," he remarked darkly, sending another flash of steel toward Tucker and Alaska. Arkansas winced.

"Ah. Yeah. My sympathies," she said. Rick hummed questioningly.

"Long mission?" he asked. His conversation partner nodded sadly and Rick laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. "I've found that futzing with the cooling system in his armor helps. Not a whole lot, and if you overuse it he gets desensitized, but it helps," he told the mildly downcast woman.

"You can do that?" Arkansas asked hopefully. Rick chuckled evilly and drew her further away from the main crowd. Meanwhile, Tennessee yelled,

"Twenty on the burgundy cutie!" while Utah started a cola stand with the soda from Dex's stash. Vermont stole three root beers and slunk off to a quiet corner. Wisconsin was content with taking a Sprite.

"Hundred on North!" yelled West Virginia. His big sister cuffed him on the head.

"Idiot! Those two are evenly matched!" Virginia chided. West gave the impression of pouting while he rubbed his head and Colorado laughed like a cut-rate stage villain.

"Too late! No take backs!" he yelled at the siblings. Virginia glared at the card shark while West decided it was better to just enjoy the show two master-class snipers were putting on. Over by the tank, New Mexico talked Spanish with Lopez and Delaware tried to get a rise out of Doc.

/*/

"Too easy."

"No-one asked you, Chi! And who knows, this might be _after_ I get out of here. When that happens... I doubt anything will phase me."

"Point."

/*/

Finally deciding that it was just a little too much, Idaho sat with Alabama and watched. "Those two are dating," Indiana whispered to Caboose, noticing that he was staring at the pair. Caboose gave an 'ah' and wandered off muttering something about best friends and cuddles.

(Indiana decided it would be best for his sanity if he ignored that bit.)

Having nothing better to do, Nebraska joined in the argument with Red. It honestly wasn't too hard for the close combat specialist to integrate himself either; all he had to do was say that grav-hammers were better than shotguns and Red began ranting on the wonders of shotguns while Illinois argued the superiority of combat knives. Not wanting a full-scale brawl to break out, New Jersey tried to break the three up. Of course, that just made the whole thing more chaotic and didn't help at all. Sensing an opportunity, Kansas stole New Jersey's helmet while Iowa stole New Jersey's pistol. Louisiana groaned at the two thieves. "You two are idiots, you know that right?" he asked the best friends as they tore past, Jersey hot on their heels.

"GET BACK HERE WITH THOSE YOU FILTHY LITTLE RATS!" the woman raged. Maryland shook her head and laid a hand on Louisiana's shoulder.

"Louie, they've always been crazy," she told him.

"I know, but sometimes it's all I can do not to _hope_ ," he moaned. Maryland nodded and did her best to comfort her friend, trying to ignore Michigan wandering over to the stream and pulling out a fishing rod.

/*/

"Michigan likes fishing?"

" **Salmon runs. I remember going to Traverse City and watching the salmon run. So. Many. FISH!** "

"... Right."

/*/

Minnesota sighed as she watched the others pair off. "I wish Maine was around," she muttered softly. Apparently, it wasn't soft enough because her brother heard her and began to laugh at her.

"Oh knock it off, Missouri!" Nevada scolded. "You know _exactly_ how she feels! Maine was her friend, Missi!"

"Oi! Don't call me 'Missi!'" the midnight blue and burgundy soldier barked as he spun around to face the tan and lavender artillery specialist.

"HAHAHA! GET EM, GET EM!" Montana yelled, cheering New Jersey on as the scarlet and purple Freelancer nearly caught Kansas and Iowa.

"I'll call you what I darn well please, you knuckle-headed baboon!" Nevada snapped back, shoving his face down into Missouri's visor. New Hampshire sighed and shook his head at them.

"Why is it always those two?" he moaned, stalking off to see if Blue Base had any beer. He really needed a drink and if the way Arizona was swaying was any indication, the Intelligence Agent needed one as well. Oklahoma sighed and sat next to the shutdown Washington after guiding the poor man to lean against the boulder he'd previously been hiding behind. Finally, after what felt like forever (Jack and Eagle had finished their duel) Dave broke out of his trance. "You're all dead," he whispered. Oklahoma, who was pretty much the only one to hear him, snorted.

"No, you're thinking of CT, Wyoming, Maine, South and Texas. We, as you can see, are perfectly alive," she told the quietly panicking Dave. She was also studiously ignoring the cheering and groaning coming from those who had bet on the Sniper Match.

"No. I'm sure you are all dead. York, Florida, Oregon and North I knew were still alive but the rest of you... you're dead," Dave said. Oklahoma scoffed and gave Wash a head slap.

"I'm alive Wash, and I don't plan on dying again," she said.

"Hey, Ed, I might be able to call Carolina on over," Oregon... no. She went by Black now. Or was it Marley? Anyway, the craziest lady ever, of all time, who saved the rest of Project Freelancer, called to the pining New York who had been watching Alaska and Tucker while sighing intermittently.

"Wait. Seriously?!" Ed squawked. Marley and the Reds laughed.

"Dude, if there's one thing I've learned about Marley, it's that impossible doesn't fit in her vocabulary!" called Dex.

"Yeah, I actually wouldn't be surprised if she managed to give A.I.s human bodies, Caboose a brain, teach Church how to shoot, bring Wyoming back from the dead, make The Meta sane, or stop Tucker making sex jokes!" Rick, laughed.

/*/

"Could she really do that?"

"She's a Self Insert of regenegel3. If regenegel3 wanted it to happen, Marley would do it."

" **Wow... I've become a deity. I'm... kinda... No. Just... no. I'm a young woman with a laptop and an active imagination.** _ **Not**_ **a deity. It would be a sin to claim so.** "

"Still an author."

"Still all powerful within the confines of your word processor."

" **... You two give me way too much power...** "

/*/

"Could she make me human?" Lopez asked mechanically.

"Wouldn't put it past her, Lopez. Wouldn't put it past her," Dex said. Lopez seemed to be a little weirded out by that.

"Guys guys! I'm a tracker and a hider, not a deity!" Marley protested.

"You are magic, Miss Black. You brought back Church!" Caboose objected, in his own way. Marley sighed.

"No. I am not magic. And I didn't need to do anything for Church to come back. He was never lost. Besides, no-one can bring the dead back to life. That... was the Director's mistake," she said. The Freelancers froze, memories gripping them.

"Carolina's gonna show up any moment now, I'm sure of it," Dex muttered, heavy on the paranoia.

/*/

"Way to move the non-existent plot forward, Dex. Way to move the non-plot forward."

"Hey! There's the sarcasm!"

"Shut up, Doc. You're insane."

/*/

The Freelancers, or at least those who were even remotely functional, turned to the Red Agent while pondering his lack of sanity. That was when a new voice spoke. "I must have died somewhere along the way," Carolina said, staring at the canyon full of ghosts.

"Well abracadabra, Dex's a genie," Michigan remarked dryly.

"Mich, just stop. Please," Kentucky asked, dropping her already aching head into her hands.

"LINA!" York yelled, running at her and sweeping her up into his arms. "You're alive you're alive you're alive you're ALIVE!" he cheered; ignoring the screaming, punching, kicking, and squirming of the woman he loved above all else and just held her close.

"YORK!" Carolina yelled, trying and failing to get loose.

"I thought I lost you, I'm never letting you go again, Carolina. Not until death do us part," York whispered in her ear. She froze. "I love you, Carolina. I love you more than anything in the world and it was only Oregon telling me she knew you were still alive, even if she didn't know where you were, that kept me from giving up and dying from the wounds Wyoming gave me." Tears began to roll down Carolina's cheeks.

"York... you... you really feel that way?" she asked. York just held her tighter. "I'll take that as a 'yes,'" she breathed.

"Okay. Let's leave the love birds alone shall we?" Surprisingly, it was Wash who said this, ushering the others away. A soft thud reached Carolina's ears and then York's fingers were tugging at her helmet. She helped take it off, then... neither could agree who started the kiss, so they agreed that they'd both started it and left it at that.

/*/

" **I think that's a good place to end this. After all, it was 'Project Freelancer meeting the BGC' not 'and what came after.' Hope ya'll enjoyed!** "

"Leave a review on your way out, please!"

"Hey, you're pretty polite for a madman."

"Suck a lemon."

"I prefer squares. Much straighter."

" **Ugh. Stop it. Please. Can't we just have cake? Or maybe Sour Patch Kids? Please?** "

"I think we got to her, partner."

"Indeed. Lemon?"

"Only if it's square."

"Uh... it's a bar?"

"Works for me."

" **No more lemons now, I mean it!** "

"Peanut?"

" **You are impossible.** "

/?/

A/N: So, I wanted to post 'Arcs of Trouble' here instead but I'm having trouble figuring out just what Jaune's dad is going to do to make Marley ticked at him. If you have any suggestions, please let me know. Thank you.


	10. Show 9

Disclaimer: I don't own RvB.

A/N: To my Guest reviewer: upon re-reading my last chapter, keeping an eye out for the triplets and Louisiana, I found that they _were_ all included. However, I shall endeavor to give them a bigger role in up-coming chapters. *Spoiler!* I'm planning on writing a piece called 'Louie's Guide to Big Booms' slightly modeled after 'Caboose's Guide to Making Friends.' The Triplets also have their own segments planned but if you give me a prompt for your favorite character/s I will do my best.

 **Chapter 9:** Arcs of Trouble

Marley had met a lot of people at Beacon but Jacque Arc was by far the most troublesome. "You are so frustrating!" she yelled at him, ditching her weapon and lunging at him with her bare hands.

"Whoa!" Jacque yelped, jumping back. This seemed to bring Marley back some, causing her to grab her weapon once more.

"You just seem to think you're just the best thing to happen to Remnant, don't you?!" the medic cried, slashing at him with her tonfa, which seemed to give her the same satisfaction beating him with her fists would have while making it more painful for him.

"What did I do to you, huh?!" Jacque asked, throwing himself out of the path of her next attack.

"What did you do?! Ha! You know!" Marley maintained.

"What's she talking about?" Jay asked Caleb. The Valkyrie heir shrugged.

"Heck if I know," he said.

"Jacque was a bullheaded idiot around her," Emily answered.

"Ah. That would do it then, wouldn't it?" Jay responded. Emily nodded and watched Marley whale on Jacque.

Let's back up a bit, shall we?

/*/

"Please. I need to know what he did!"

"Never knew you were one for soaps, Doc."

" **Chi… you're** _ **literally**_ **inside his head. How could you** _ **not**_ **know?** "

"... Selective deafness/blindness?"

" **... Fair enough**."

"HEY!"

/*/

Marley stared at the board, numb. She didn't know whether she was shocked and appalled or surprised or just confused.

Jacque Arc was her partner for the class project, not one of her teammates.

She… really wasn't sure how to take that. Sure, Jacque was fairly intelligent if his grades were anything to go by but she'd never worked with the Arc before. There were stories about the guy, there were always stories, but Marley had long learned to take the stories with a grain of salt. Gossip was a terrible thing after all, blowing small occurrences into scandals and reducing scandals into little things. Still, the rumors flying around were fairly consistent about his attitude. "Hey, you're Marlene White, right?" the boy in question asked, standing beside her desk. Marley jerked slightly and looked up at the blond. Jacque Arc was built like a tank with broad shoulders and powerful limbs, carrying his sword and shield with easy grace. Soft blond locks framed a square face with high cheekbones and a strong jaw. In short? If Marley hadn't been crushing on the wiry sniper a year above her, Jacque would have been the subject of several date fantasies.

"Yes, that's me," Marley said, nodding. Jacque smiled a near blinding smile at the medic student.

"Cool! I was hoping we could set up a time to work on our project?" Jacque asked. Marley smiled back and nodded.

"That sounds great! How's tomorrow at 3:45?" she asked. Jacque frowned in thought.

"Humm… I think I can make that. Can I get your scroll number?" he answered. Marley narrowed her eyes in suspicion, but held out her hand anyway.

"Give me your scroll and I'll enter it for you," she said. Jacque grinned and eagerly handed over his scroll.

"How about I give you my number as well? That way you can call me if something comes up," he offered. Seeing nothing wrong with this, and agreeing with his logic, Marley handed her scroll over, deft fingers already entering her number into Jacque's scroll. "Awesome! See you tomorrow!" he said, walking away and tossing Marley her scroll back over his shoulder. Surprised by the move, the medic just barely managed to catch the device.

"Yeah… awesome…" she trailed off, the last vestiges of her almost-crush getting trampled heavily.

/*/

"Man, I still don't see what's so bad about Jacque," Chi said. Doc shook his head.

"It is a bit confusing. Oi! Regenengel3! Where you going with this?"

" **Um… I don't know?** " the writer answered, hunkering behind her Toshiba. Chi and Doc both managed to give her dry looks through their helmets. " **Hey! Don't look at me like that! I never had to deal with truly aggravating guys in high school! It's hard for me to write jerks without a reference or model in mind…** " she defended.

"Right. And I'm suppose to believe that?"

" **I will replace you with Kia and Eagle, just you see if I don't**."

"Please, you love using us for this!"

" **... Oh. My. Godiva. What. Have. I.** _ **DONE!?**_ **Doc! I've turned you into a** _ **snarky**_ **dork!** " regenengel3 gasped dramatically. Seriously, it was the whole nine yards: sharp intake of breath, wide eyes, hands on her face, falling to her knees, _everything_.

"And this is why I chose him," Chi remarked, far too smug for an A.I.

" **Herguer** _ **kerplah!**_ " regenengel3… noised? Seriously, what would you call that? I mean, it wasn't a statement, or a remark, or even a sigh, it was just… noise! Inarticulate gibb…. " **Oi! Narration! Stop rambling and get to work!** " Okay. That one was a bark, hands down. " **Narrator!** " A~nd now she's growling. OKAY ALREADY! PUT DOWN THE FLAMING GLITTER BOMBS! I'M GETTING I'M GETTING! Sheesh…

/*/

The next day, Marley was at the fountain in the front courtyard at 3:40. Realizing she hadn't specified a location, Marley pulled out her scroll and sent him a quick text. A minute later and she pulled out her notebook and began to brainstorm for their project. Ten minutes later, Jacque still wasn't there and Marley had filled three pages with half-formed ideas. "Hey! Sorry I'm late, we ran into team STRQ on our way out of our last class and I just got away," Jacque said. Marley sighed and shook her head.

"Don't worry, I know how _those_ guys are like," she said, thinking about the time she crossed paths with Summer the week previous. Talk about hyperactive rambling! And don't get her started on Raven. "So, while I was waiting, I came up with these. Take a look and tell me what you think," Marley said, trying to get their meeting back on track. Jacque hummed as he looked over her topics… then deleted them all and typed in his.

"This is what we're doing," he said, handing back the scroll.

/*/

"Oh! Harsh!"

" **Hah! How's that for an overconfident idiot!** "

"That's… still only one act."

" **Oh shut up, Doc. Let me have my moment**."

/*/

Marley was done. She was _so_ done. With everything. With _him_. "What happened, Marley?" Butch, her crush from the year above, asked as he sat down beside her.

"Jacque Arc," she said and Butch groaned, his head falling back to hit the wall with a meaty thunk.

"Arcs, they're all trouble," he said.

"He just came in and deleted all my work and said we were doing it his way. He didn't even look at any of it!" Marley ranted.

"Then he vanished and left you to do all the work, didn't he?" Butch guessed.

"Yes!" Marley said with exasperation. "And he made it seem like he was _actually_ sorry about it! I actually _believed_ he had team stuff to do!"

"And then you found him chatting up some pretty little blond," Butch said.

"And then I found him chatting up _Darla_ " Marley countered and Butch winced. Darla was one of the prettiest girls on campus, and she knew it.

"Right. Well. I can help you arrange a spar with him," Butch offered.

"It'll be less of a spar and more of a grudge match," Maley muttered.

"Might be what he needs," Butch said and Marley sighed.

"Yeah. Might be what both of us need," she allowed. "Let me know when it's arranged."

"Will do~!" Butch sang with evil glee. Dust but Marley loved him.

/*/

"Wait... I thought Marley pushed Flowdie away until..." Doc began.

" **Do not question my choices.** "

"But..."

" **Shut up. This is my OTP.** "

"You make no sense. What about continunity?"

"Doc. She's the author. Continuity's her cat."

"I... don't think that's how the idiom goes."

" **I don't like cursing and unless that word is being appiled to an actual female dog, it qulifies. Plus I'm more of a cat person than a dog person.** "

"You can't just change idioms to suit you!"

"I repeat, she's the author. You really think things like that matter to her?" Doc began bashing his head against the desk.

" **Onward!** "

/*/

"And this is for all the girls you've messed with!" Marley bellowed as she drove him into the floor one last time, his aura dipping into the red. Jacques moaned while Jay, Caleb, and Emily clapped politely.

"An excellent win, Marley," Emily praised.

"You sure showed him," Jay added.

"Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats," Caleb remarked, toeing the heap of Arc.

"Aww~! Why didn't I think of that? I could have dug my keys into the side of his pretty little supped up fourwheel drive and carved my name into his leather seats~!" Marley complained. Jacques whimpered again, curling inward.

"Huh, I didn't know he had a fourwheel drive," Jay remarked.

"But do you have a Lousieville Slugger?" Caleb asked.

"Sure! It's on my wall back home, right above my first knife," Marley told him.

"I think I'm missing something," Jay said, looking between the two in confusion.

"Did I miss it?" Butch asked, skidding into the room followed by his teammates. The other three fourths of team JEMC blinked at the older team.

"Dude… why would _he_ be interested in this match?" Jay asked.

"Hey Butch~!" Marley sang, slinging her primary weapon back onto her back. "Thanks for setting this up… but your a _wee_ bit late." Her team shared a look between themselves before sharing a look with Butch's.

"A wee bit?" all six of them said while Butch just moaned in disappointment. Then the rest of what Marley said sunk in and they turned to her with varying expressions of shock and surprise. "He set this up?!" Marley giggled in an unsettling manner, hugging Butch's arm.

"Yep~! And he's taking me to dinner in town! See you guys later~!" she sang before dragging the willing Butch off. The remaining six Beacon students blinked at each other.

"So… you guys want to… hang out? Or something?" Jay asked.

"Sure," Alec said with a shrug.

"Cool. So… what do we do?" Caleb asked.

"How do your Semblances work?" Emily asked. Instantly, Caleb grabbed to two nearest him and _ran_ as though a pack of beowolves were on his heels. Jay swiftly grabbed Alec and followed.

"Hey! What!?"

"If Emily or Marley ask you _anything_ related to medicine or science, it's best to run… Unless you're into spending hours talking science," Jay said.

"Or you're okay with getting dissected,"Caleb added. The upperclassmen stared at them in shock.

"That last bit is mostly for Marley," Jay said, "but Emily would hold you down while the Mad Surgeon would cut you open." The stares continued. "Yes, we've had experience with this."

"Dude… you got one of the insane teams."

"Bruh… you have _no_ idea," Caleb moaned.

/*/

" **I'm impressed, Chi. You didn't mention your reference sense even when there were… three in a row,** " regenengel3 remarked.

"I felt they spoke for themselves," Chi said. "Plus Jay called them out on it. I'm good."

"I don't know. Maybe you should run a test on his code," Doc suggested.

" **I'm a Mass Comm major, not Computer Science,** " regenengel3 deadpanned. " **Besides, A.I's are a** _ **bit**_ **outside common knowledge, seeing as they're still bound to smartphones and the sci-fi genre.** "

"Really? Red vs Blue is sci-fi?" Doc asked.

" **Yep. Anything with advanced space travel is still sci-fi for me,** " regenengel3 revealed. " **Now, I think this is a good enough stopping point. Next time we check in at Beacon… actually, I don't know what JEMC will be doing next time we check in. But I can tell you that the next Arc we see should be Jaune. Or will it? You decide! Even though I don't get many reviews… Guess this story is too disjointed and confusing for people to keep up with.** " Chi and Doc watched the author hunch over the desk and begin to play with randomly appearing pennies, the picture of childhood depression.

"Well… we like it, don't we Chi?" Doc tried. Regenengel3 scoffed.

" **You like it because I** _ **want**_ **you to,** " she pointed out. " **Who's to say you'd still enjoy it if some other author started writing you? Like, if I still wrote the one-shots but someone else wrote the commentary. Would you be so positive about it then?** " Chi sighed while Doc pouted at the woman.

"You're determined to be depressed… aren't you," the medic declared.

" **Sure am.** "

"If you got more reviews, would that make you happy?"

" **Maybe. And some suggestions for more senerios. Why does no-one offer suggestions, Doc?** "

"Maybe because they can't compare to your crazy brain?" Chi offered.

" **Oh, I know there are people out there who can match and** _ **best**_ **my crazy brain on this site,** " regenengel3 countered. " **Then again, I can understand not reviewing. I rarely review stories myself. Quite unsporting of me, eh?** "

"Why do I feel a tingle on the edge of my reference sense?" Chi asked.

" **Because it was a stretch,** " regenengel3 said. " **Jak X: Combat Racing. Krew's speech. He says 'quite unsporting of me really' after revealing that he poisoned the wine they toasted his death with.** "

"Yikes, that is cutthroat. And kinda morbid," Doc said. Regenengel3 shrugged.

" **Video game crime lord for ya. Anyway, hope ya'll liked this. Let me know what you'd like to see in the future. Regenengel3 out** ," The camera cut out and the author vanished. Doc sighed and rubbed his forehead through his helmet.

"Let's get some rest partner. Tomorrow's going to be another crazy day," Chi told him.

"Are there even days in this place?" Doc grumbled.

"Maybe, I can't really tell," Chi answered.

"Sometimes… I really hate my life."


	11. Show 10

*The Opening Theme to the Blood Gulch Chronicles played as The Booth faded into view. *

"Greetings, Humans! I'm Chi 'The Sarcastic One' Church."

"And I'm Doc."

"And we're back with another Project Red Spin-Off Show!"

" **That's right, Chi. And this time, Project Red goes digital!** " Chi and Doc both jerked and turned to look at regenengel3. A beat passed before they both said,

"Wait... what?" Regenengel3 grinned widely and began to sing a song from her childhood.

" **Digimon~! Digimon~! Digital monsters~! Digimon are the champions~! Digimon~! Digital monsters~! Digimon are the champions~! Change into digital monsters to~! Save the digital world~. Digimon~! Digital monsters~! Digimon are the champions~! Digimon~! Digital monsters~! Digimon are the champions~!** "

"Wait... did you memorize the whole theme song?" Chi asked, his light form flickering. Regenengel3 chuckled sheepishly as a light blush colored her cheeks.

" **Maybe? It was one of my favorite shows growing up! Don't judge,** " she said. Doc and Chi shared looks.

"Huh, so she is human after all," Doc said.

"Will wonders never cease," Chi remarked.

"Anyway... you're really sending the Project Red crew to the digital world?" Doc asked.

"Take me with you~!" Chi pleaded, reaching holographic hands toward the young woman. She laughed and nodded.

" **Alright, Chi. I'll send you and Doc to the Digi-world as well,** " regenengel3 said with a smile. Chi cheered and did a little dance. " **Also, I don't own RvB or Digimon.** "

{Digi-What Now?}

Dex blinked.

Gary blinked back.

"This is new," Dex remarked, taking in the changes to his ever present companion. The A.I. blinked again before the side of his mouth twitched. Dex's carefully neutral face cracked as he frowned at the 'young man.'

"Understatement. Just another service you offer," Eagle remarked, staring at Ita who continued to stare back. 'What's with the cyan hair?'

"I rather like this," Al said as he took off his helmet and shook out his short black hair. "Ah! Smells~! The feel of wind in my face! I love it." Tucker shook his head, walking away.

"Nope," he said firmly, popping the 'p,' and carefully _not_ looking at Caboose and Freckles, who now appeared to be a bipedal, blue and white wolf-dog with a yellow horn on its head.

/*/

"Uh... regenengel3... What is... ?" Doc began to ask hesitantly.

" **Dear Freckles is now a gabumon,** " the author stated smugly, then gave the medic a curious look. " **Shouldn't you be in there rather than up here?** " she asked. Doc shrugged.

"I thought you were running the show," he said. "Besides, not like this is the first time this has happened." Regenengel3 frowned.

" **While it will leave me without a commentator... Begone! And have some fun,** " she declared, waving her hand imperiously at him. Doc vanished in a cloud of purple sparkles. " **Gah! The glitter! It's invading!** " regenengel3 yelled, vanishing in a puff of smoke... and green sparkles.

/*/

Doc stumbled slightly, blinking and shaking his head. "You okay?" asked Chi, brushing messy black hair from his face for the first time.

"Yeah, just... have you ever wondered what it would be like to host a spin-off show based off your life? Ya know, a multi-verse one-shot collection kind of thing," Doc said, attempting to put the odd feeling that had come over him into words. Chi shook his head, curious and confused.

"Nope. Why? Have you?" he asked.

"Sort of," Doc answered, still shaking his head. Chi shrugged, not seeing anything troubling about that. "And why is Freckles the only one of you turned into a digimon?" Everyone froze before turning to the medic. "What?"

"Do... you know something about... _this_?" Dex asked, waving a deceptively calm hand at their current surroundings.

"Maybe?" Doc whined, cringing away from the eerily calm man. Dex's eyebrow twitched.

"The Fragment of Deception has been living in my head for over three years now, Doc," the weapons expert stated. "I think I can tell when someone's being cagey."

"Ah, leave him be," Gary said, draping an arm over his partner's shoulders. "I honestly don't think he has any more information than we do."

"That would be logical," D began, stoic face morphing into one of consideration, "if... he didn't know what, exactly, Freckles had become. Seeing that he _dose_ know what to call Freckles' current form it is more logical to consider that perhaps Doc has information on this strange world and its inhabitants. And why my brothers and I are currently human." Ed gave him a 'friendly' punch to the shoulder. The look of shock on D's face was _priceless_.

"Look at you! Showing emotion!" Ed teased. D's eyebrow twitched as he fought to remain stoic. He failed.

"Well... it's just this... feeling I have," Doc said, deciding to spare D Ed's undivided attention.

"Feeling?" Dex asked dully. Doc swallowed at the soulless sound.

"W-well... I feel like I should know where we are but... it's old. Like... really old," he stammered.

"Old?" Eagle asked.

"Yeah. Like I _shouldn't_ know about this. Like..." Doc groaned and shook his head. "Chi, can you still access the net?" The young man beside him grinned.

"I can." A beat passed before Doc groaned.

"Would you please search for a reference to digimon or the digital world?" he asked.

"Already did." Dex was biting the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing.

"Then tell me if you found it in an old anime show," Doc ground out. His comrades looked at him in shock having been unaware that he could sound so... menacing. Without O'Malley that is but O'Malley was a cut-rage stage villain who tried to be menacing and usually failed. Even if he said some really creepy things from time to time.

"I did." Doc growled again.

"Can't you ever just give an answer?!" he asked, stomping his foot before sighing and slumping forward slightly. "Never mind. Just... why would we be in the digital world? It shouldn't exist! It was just a kid's show!"

"Doc... what is digimon?" Dex asked. Doc twitched and began to sing.

" **Digimon~! Digimon~! Digital monsters~! Digimon are the champions~! Digimon~! Digital monsters~! Digimon are the champions~! Change into digital monsters to~! Save the digital world~. Digimon~! Digital monsters~! Digimon are the champions~! Digimon~! Digital monsters~! Digimon are the champions~!** " Chi shook his head and slammed Doc's head into a convenient tree.

"Stop acting like regenegel3," he droned before both he and Doc froze. "Wait... what?"

"Seconded," the rest of the Reds, Blues, Ex Freelancers, and A.I. chorused.

"AH! That's right! That's where I got that weird feeling from! We were sent here to have fun while the rest of you traipsed around Chorus and didn't spare a single thought toward us!" Doc said. Chi shoved his head further into the tree.

"No you crazy idiot. She sent us here to have fun _with them_. And because I asked. So there," the A.I. stated. Doc pulled himself from the tree and leveled what might have been a glare at his A.I. companion.

"Did you have to shove me into a tree?" he asked as the aforementioned tree's trunk creaked alarmingly.

"Yes. You were being a crazy idiot," Chi stated, as though that explained everything. Doc groaned and turned away.

"The point remains; regenengel3 is responsible for us being in the digital world, giving the A.I. physical forms, and turning Freckles into a super-powered bipedal wolf-dog-unicorn," he said.

"That... sums everything up rather well actually," Dex said.

"Yes. Now, have fun walking around with your A.I. Oh, and I think all of us need food in this world," Doc added.

"SWEET! Where's a cow? Does anyone know how to barbecue around here?!" Al cheered. Theta stared at his oldest brother in shock while Jack chuckled. "I want barbecue and potato salad and baked beans and sweet tea and apple fritters! I want pork fingers smothered in sweet honey BBQ sauce with old-style mac-n-cheese! CAN I AT LEAST HAVE SMOKED FISH?!"

"Sure sure, keep your shirt on," Dex said, finally seeing the humor in their situation. Doc sighed and sat down on a handy rock.

"Well. This will be interesting," he remarked. A young woman with shoulder length brown hair, nondescript clothing, and blue-green eyes sat down beside him with a happy little smirk on her face.

"Enjoy the break from insanity, Doc," she said, "because I have a wicked idea."

"Whatever it is, please don't," Doc moaned. The woman hummed.

"You don't even know what I'm talking about, Doc."

"You're regenengel3, right?" he said. Again, she hummed. "Please, just let us have a normal day, let the A.I.s eat and savory their food. Please, don't make us fight for our lives," Doc begged. Regenegel3 sighed.

"As you wish," she said. "Fine. You guys will be here a week. Enjoy~!" Doc blinked and the woman was gone.

"Sweet aunt Jemima," Chi breathed, startling his former host, "was that regenegel3?"

"Yep," Doc said. "And I think I just convinced her not to send us on a quest." Chi stared at the man in awe.

"You... are amazing," he breathed, startling a broken laugh from the medic.

"Well thanks. Also, enjoy your week with a real body," Doc said. Chi's mouth dropped.

"A WEEK?!" he asked. Doc nodded and the A.I. ran off to tell his brothers.

"Well, he's happy," the medic muttered before he leaned back and closed his eyes, relishing in the quiet serenity. He knew it was only a matter of moments before it was shattered but hey, a man can dream can't he?

/?/

A/N: In response to BraveSeeker3: The song in the last chapter was 'Before He Cheats' by Tailor Swift. It is one of the few country songs I like and fit quite well, as you said.

Yes, I put General Kimball in as Dr. Grey's aunt. And for spelling Emily's name 'Gray' rather than 'Grey' it was to play up the color angle. That's my excuse and I'm sticking with it!

Honestly, I'm just bad at spelling and my spellcheck says Kimball is wrong both ways so... yeah. My best friend's letting me down man! (Fun Fact: I only recently discovered that I'd been spelling Sergeant wrong. Darn you Sarge, you mislead me!)


	12. Show 11

*The Theme played and The Booth came into view. *

"Aw man, I wish we could have stayed in the Digi-world," Chi groused, kicking his once more holographic boot through the desk, too depressed to say that regenengel3 didn't own Red vs Blue. Doc 'patted' his head.

"There there, Chi, now we get to tease the Reds with their genderbent selves. Won't that be fun?"

"Shut up, Doc. You're insane."

"Not quite yet!"

" **Shut up and let's get this thing started already!** " regenengel3 barked. The two instantly settled down and the author nodded happily.

{ **Show 11: Femmes the Second** }

Now that all the Reds and Blues were in the same room, and Caboose had been calmed down, Rick turned to Dex. Before he could even say a word, Male!Tex showed up and the tech sighed. "Seriously? _Seriously?!_ What the fudge man?! Do you have, like, some weird Freelancer sense that lets you know the most _irritating_ time to interrupt? Because congratulations! You just interrupted one of the weirdest social gatherings ever, of all time, _right_ when I was going to ask Dex for help for the first time in a _long_ time!" he ranted at the genderbent A.I.

/*/

"Man, I feel like I should be used to Savage!Rick by now but _dang_ did he let Male!Tex have it!" Doc declared. Chi chuckled.

"Ho man! Savage!Rick is right! And he has a point! When was the last time he seriously asked Dex for help?"

"Uh... I think it was when they were trying to get power to Valhalla? Maybe?" Doc said, trying to remember that far back. Chi hummed before shrugging.

"Nah, not gonna bother me overly much. Onward!"

/*/

"Is it weird that I'm starting to crush on this guy?" Grif muttered, mostly to herself. Dex chuckled and leaned over to her.

"Crushing on Rick?" he asked, causing Grif to turn away with a faint blush. "Pretty much his entire unit was crushing on him before we fell through that portal so... I'm not too surprised," Dex went on. "Of course, I see him as a brother so... yeah, I'd say its a little weird but then again... what about this situation _isn't_ a little weird?"

/*/

"Wow... Rick had a whole _unit_ crushing on him?"

" **Never underestimate the appeal of a straightforward yet sensitive man who wants to make sure you live through the war you inherited.** "

"That's... really specific."

" **Also... no... wait... it's not the basis of Stockholm Syndrome. Hum... Well anyway, women like a guy who gets to the point but knows when to shut up and nod. Also, Rick doesn't take guff from just anyone by this point.** "

"What point are we at?"

" **... Uh... Time has no meaning here?** "

"Wait... You mean we could be stuck here... for _years?!_ "

" **Well Red vs Blue had you gone for most of a season and when you came back you had a split personality, the insane half being you channeling O'Malley, so it could** _ **feel**_ **like years...** "

"I think I hate you."

" **Don't blame me! I'm not the one who wrote your story in the first place, Roosterteeth is! Be mad at them!** "

"Roosterteeth, be glad this version of me can't get to you. I'd take a page out of Black's book."

" **The Black Book?** "

"Why do I feel like that's a reference?"

" **If it is, I don't get it!** "

"Why do I have a Reference Sense?"

" **Because I thought it'd be funny?** "

"You're messed up."

" **Everyone is made from broken pieces, some of us are just better at fitting them back together.** "

"How does that apply to you?"

" **... Normal is a setting on the washer machine.** "

"Can we just get back to the show?"

"By all means, Chi. By all means."

/*/

"He has a point," Doughnut said. Dex smiled over at her, still a little uneasy seeing Eagle as a woman, and a tomboy almost-goth at that. Also, he was getting lesbian vibes off of her. It was actually creepier than when Eagle lived up to his pink armor.

"Thank you," he said, pushing his discomfort aside for the sake of his sanity and the health of his alternate team. "Now... someone _please_ tell me she has a nick-name! I refuse to call her 'Private Doughnut.'"

"Funny," Simmons muttered, her voice still managing to squeak like a boy going through puberty, "that's exactly what Grif said." Dex gave her a bland look.

"Sweetheart, I _am_ Grif," he drawled, tossing his arm behind his female counterpart and lounging on the couch beside her, leaning his head toward her shoulder so that their heads were close together. The similarities were uncanny. Simmons let out a tiny yelp and hide behind Sarge. Dex sighed and, having decided to ignore Male!Tex for the time being, much like the rest of the things in the base that were threatening to tear his sanity apart again, turned to Rick. "What were you going to ask for my help with?" he asked.

"I wanted you to help Simmons with her man difficulties," Rick said bluntly. "And yes, I realize how awkward that sounded. Shut up," he added in response to Dex's 'Really dude?' expression.

"And how, exactly, did you think I could help?" he asked flatly, pulling his arm back and resting both elbows on his spread knees, settling into a 'mildly brooding team leader thinking' pose.

"Well, Marley was the one to help me get over my crippling fear of women and she's one of the most terrifying women I know..." Rick began before Dex interrupted with a rather confused expression

"Are you saying that I'm one of the most terrifying men you know?" Dex asked, straightening up in surprise. "Also, how did _that_ work?"

"Yes, I am. And it worked because she treated me like I was worth something. It worked because she slowly drew my personal interests out of me and then encouraged me to follow through on them, to practice them. It worked because she... well. I guess she acted kind of like a mother or a really cool, terrifyingly powerful aunt," Rick explained. Dex shuddered.

"Marley as your mother," he muttered in a horrified tone. "I didn't need to picture that." Rick was singularly unimpressed while Eagle snorted and Tucker couldn't help shuddering. Red flat out laughed.

/*/

"Oh mercy," Doc moaned, sinking to the floor behind the desk. Chi used his Author given powers to pause the video before peering over the wood to regard his partner.

"Would it really have been so bad if Marley had raised Rick?" he asked.

"Consider this... regenengel3 is a mad woman and might actually _write_ that scenario," Doc said. Chi 'blinked.'

"So?"

"Who would she make the father?" Chi paused and thought that over.

"She might just make her a single mother who adopted him."

"And she might go _farther_ ," Doc said.

"I don't follow," Chi said.

"Red as the dad or the crazy uncle. Dex being Rick's adoptive twin. Kai and Eagle being Adoption Twins as well. Church being the grumpy older brother to everyone except Dex who is the Big Brother Bear in the house. Tucker being the Male Wild Child. Caboose being the idiot neighbor/Foolish Little Brother. Lopez being the Robo Nanny/Butler. Wash and Carolina being the Older Siblings/Power Couple that are already moved out but still come by for Sunday Dinner."

"Dude... you're putting _way_ too much thought into this," Chi drawled.

" **Actually...** " regenengel3 drawled from the corner, making Chi flash to the other end of the desk and Doc to curl into a tighter ball on the floor, intermittently whimpering, " **that's not a bad idea... discounting Marley adopting** _ **all**_ **the BGC. Maybe the Reds since she has a sort of soft spot for them. She could be Red's sister or sister-like friend and send checks to help out from time to time while dropping by when he can or sending gifts on important days when he can't. But that will be after we see Louie, check in with JEMC, play with pseudo-magical pirates, torture Mich, backstory Reggie, Mad Medic Beacon, What Happened to Georgia Cali, switch roles, RvB the triplets, burn some Roses, induct Wash (officially), Train Caboose, Orange up Greenie McKnifeface the Merc, Pupife some Commandos, Keep Up with the Arcs, Wibbly-Wobbly Time-Whimy Freelancer, give Caboose a Pen, and play Truth or Dare with the Strike Team... plus other Phantoms.** " Chi and Doc stared at their authoress. " **Not necessarily in that order** ," she added calmly.

"Truly, you are _mad_ ," Doc breathed.

" **No, I'm not. You are,** " regenengel3 declared. " **Now MST3K this episode!** "

"Should'a known she was an MST3K fan," Chi muttered as Doc pulled himself back into his chair. "What else would you call our current gig?"

"Oh, shut up and watch the madness," Doc groaned, pressing play on the show once more.

/*/

"Could you please just try to help my dimensional sister? At least she's familiar with _your_ dimensional sister," Rick asked flatly. Dex heaved a put-upon sigh but turned to Simmons all the same.

"Your male counterpart is a genius with programming, knives, and pistols but when it comes to people he's a bit of an idiot," the weapons expert told her. "Still, I consider him the brother I never had so... I'll see what I can do. If this crazy scheme is to work, however, you're going to have to put in the effort to conquer your fear. Think you can do that? If not for me, then for yourself?" Simmons looked deep into Dex's tired amber eyes and nodded.

/*/

"Is that subtext I'm seeing?"

" **My answer to all the Grimmons out there on the net,** " regenengel3 told the musing medic. " **Maybe, if one of them had been the opposite gender, they would have gotten together but as it is? Not on my account!** "

"Account?" Doc and Chi asked, far too interested. Regenengel3 gave them a dour look and vanished once more. Sighing despondently, the two turned back to the unfolding drama.

/*/

Dex gave her a weary smile and a nod of his own. "Alright then. Talk to me. I won't say a word, I won't make a move. All I'm going to do... is listen," he told her. Taking a deep breath... Simmons began to talk. She told about how her mother had wanted her to go to social gathering, find a good man, settle down and raise a family. The traditional Lady of the House. Dex had to try really hard to hold back his snort. As it was, his eyes flickered over to Rick just long enough to catch his horrified expression. Satisfied that Rick was emoting enough for the both of them, Dex bit the inside of his cheek and focused intently on Simmons and what she was telling him. She told him how she loved programming, how she enjoyed the mental exercise of mathematics, how the smell of hot metal made her feel at home. She told the patently listing Dex about how all the boys in school were intimidated by her intelligence, or felt threatened, or were just too slow to keep up. One after another, all the men she knew or talked with put her down, told her she was too smart or too pretty to waste her life working in an office. By the end of her story, Dex was having trouble keeping himself from growling and could only pray his eyes didn't give away his anger.

"Um... Dex?" Simmons said, so soft and scared the weapons expert nearly lost control of his temper.

"I need a moment, Miss Simmons," he ground out before launching himself out of the couch and down the hall.

/*/

"Wow."

"That... was hard to listen to."

"Dex's Brother Bear instincts are fired up."

"I almost feel sorry for that world's men."

" **I think 'Knight Templar Big Brother' is the trope you're looking for here** ," regenengel3 piped in.

"That's... not much better. Especially for the men in that dimension," Doc pointed out.

" **Oh no! It's much worse,** " regenengel3 said with far too much cheer. " **Know that Liam Neeson scene when some idiot kidnaps his daughter?** "

"The, I'll-hunt-you-down-and-kill-you-you-sorry-SOB scene?" Chi asked.

" **That's it. Now replace Liam with Dex, the daughter with Fem!Simmons, and the kidnapper with Alt!Mr. Simmons.** " Doc and Chi both shuddered.

"Thank you for that _lovely_ mental image," Chi drawled in typical Church fashion while Doc was only kept from returning to the floor by regenengel3's Author Powers.

/*/

Simmons turned to her male counterpart with fear in her eyes. "Don't worry," Rick said with a strained smile, "Dex is just a Brother Bear." Simmons blinked and looked back the way Dex had gone. A moment later, a rage-filled scream echoed down the hall, nearly covering the sound of something breaking. "And that would be him raging over what you've had to go through," Rick continued. "Honestly, I'm impressed he lasted through your whole story without showing any signs of anger... at least to those who don't know him like I do." Simmons stared at him with wide eyes before a noticeably calmer Dex sauntered back into the room.

"Sorry about that," he said with a winning smile. "I just really _hate_ it when people try to force others to fit their mold."

"Oh, like Freelancer," Rick asked.

" _Exactly_ like Freelancer," Dex said, nodding. The Femmes stared at them with wide eyes. "What?" Dex asked with honest confusion showing on his face.

"Dude... how are you so... _blase_ about _Project_ _Freelancer_? You act like... like _you're_ a Freelancer!" Doughnut exclaimed. The visiting Sims blinked and shared looks before turning to their native counterparts and shrugging.

"Technically, we're the Red and Blue Troopers of Project Freelancer," Rick began.

"But honestly, we've been through so much junk because of Freelancer and the Agents that we're basically the Anti-Freelancer," Red said.

"Not to mention we've taken out, what, three? Six? Are we counting the paint-ball matches?" Dex asked, causing the native Reds and Blues to gape at him.

"Well, if we are, added to Texas, Wyoming, and Maine, we've taken down Washington, New York, Oregon, Florida, and North Dakota as a team. Eagle took down Louisiana, didn't you?" Rick said.

"Yep," Eagle confirmed with a grin, swinging his rifle up onto his shoulder.

"I took down Michigan once," Dex offered.

"I think I took down Jersey at some point. I forget when," Red contributed.

"You bag a Freelancer, Captain Tucker?" Dex asked.

"Uh... no. Not really," the cyan soldier admitted.

"Wait... didn't you take down not-Connecticut?" Rick asked.

"Who?" Captain Tucker asked.

"CT," Rick informed him. "He took his lover's armor when Tex and Carolina 'plugged a leak' for Freelancer. Wash had a thing for the original Agent Connecticut, AKA Connie AKA CT."

"Okay, did not know that," Tucker admitted. "And no, I didn't take him down. Wouldn't count even if I had."

"Does Niner count?" Eagle asked.

"Hum... no," Dex decided. "What does that bring our final count to?"

"Eleven," Rick answered quickly.

"Yeah, we've taken out eleven Freelancer/Ex-Freelancer Agents," Dex said. "Not to mention we have several of their A.I. Fragments. All that adds up to knowing a lot about the Project. Also; Oregon, Florida, Washington, Carolina, North Dakota, and New York are on our side so..."

"As the saying goes, we hit pay-dirt on Freelancer's dirty little secrets," Eagle said.

"Oh yeah, I think Caboose ran into Georgia on Chorus and ended up winning in a fist fight," Captain Tucker mused, 'Captain' Caboose nodding rapidly beside him.

"Wait wait wait," Church said, waving his hands in front of him in a 'wait, stop, what?' motion. "This guy beat a Freelancer on his own?" he asked, pointing to the native Caboose.

"Yep," Captain Tucker said, nodding. "Hey, you don't seem too surprised by our track record. What gives?"

"Eh, I was there for taking out Meta," Church said.

"Uh... actually... _did_ we take out Meta?" Rick asked.

"We... helped," Dex said. Eagle cackled madly, caressing his rifle while Tucker quirked an eyebrow.

"Why is Eagle acting weird? Even for Blood Gulch?" he asked.

"Two words," Red drawled. "Glitter. Rounds." Church, Tucker, Caboose, and the Femmes shared a Look.

"Uh..." they all questioned.

"Eagle supplied us all with modified paint rounds, having added glitter of various colors but all of the neon variety, and we went crazy on Freelancer HQ while Oregon and Wash went to AI storage and pulled Epps before we hightailed it out of there leaving the two Ex-Freelancers at the base with Meta whom they disabled with an emp. Oh yeah! And that was after they both sassed the Director. I'm talking major sass-back! Ah~! It was awesome~!" Dex said, trailing off into fond remembrance.

"I can show you the footage if you want," Gary, much more human after his journey through Dex's mind, offered.

"Oh, just go ahead and play the whole adventure, Gary. That one _has_ to be my favorite so far," Dex said, the others agreeing wholeheartedly while Captain Tucker just wanted to finally get the whole story.

/*/

"Dude... that's a lot of glitter."

"Yep."

"Wait... did that guy just yell 'third one this week?'"

"Yep."

"Huh. Dex was right, Eagle _is_ trigger happy with glitter."

"Just now figuring that out?"

"And I thought Dex said he'd had glitter rounds since Sidewinder but he _clearly_ got them during this confrontation."

" **Continuity error, my bad,** " regenengel3 admitted. " **Just too lazy to go back and fix it.** "

"I love how causal Al and the two ex-Freelancers are at this point."

"I'm waiting for the sass."

/*/

"Who's Mr. Gray and Insane?" Grif asked.

"Wash," Dex answered. "He's an Ex-Freelancer who worked A.I. Recovery for a while... after he was UN-registered Article 12." The women stared at him. "He's a pretty cool guy... when you don't push his buttons. Like a certain cyan trooper we all know."

"Dude, he has it out for me, I swear!" Captain Tucker defended.

"Oh, I do too. Know why? Because you keep pushing our buttons!" Dex growled.

"Can we get on with the tape?" Red asked gruffly. Dex huffed but nodded.

/*/

"Ya know, that call was _really_ confusing for me," Captain Tucker said. Dex snickered.

"Not as confusing as it will be for Caboose," he said, causing the rest of his team to crack up laughing.

"I don't get the joke," Church said.

"Don't worry Epps, you'll get it eventually," Dex declared.

"What did you call me?" Church asked. The men blinked back at him before Captain Tucker realized the confusion.

"You're actually the A.I. Unit Epsilon," he said. "This is a faulty memory, as evidenced by you saying that we're more like you remember us."

"Just had a thought... why didn't 'I' come with you when you came through the portal?" Church asked.

"Al was too smart to stand next to Tucker when he swung his keyblade through the alien holographic lock," Eagle drawled.

"Huh, guess you're the dumb one, Church," Doughnut remarked, causing both Tuckers to laugh and both Cabooses to pout before attempting to defend their 'best friend.'

/*/

"I think my Reference Sense might be broken from how many you idiots use," Chi remarked, 'sitting' down cross-legged and 'glaring' at the screen. Doc shook his head and turned his attention to the screen within the screen as the show within the show resumed.

"Huh, Dex used the Time Unit."

"Fun."

"Indeed."

/*/

Simmons looked over at Rick. "Those guys wouldn't get off my tail, what else was I gonna do? Besides, my gun was loaded with glitter."

"Yeah... but that was the sound of a _knife_ , Rick," Simmons said slowly, giving him a steely look.

"Like I said, they wouldn't leave me alone and I needed to keep the evac route open," Rick said. "The guys were counting on me to have the vehicles fueled, ready, and _accessible._ " Simmons sighed and sat back with an unsatisfied expression.

"I'm with Dex on this one," she muttered. Dex laughed and flopped over to put his head in her lap, causing her to tense up and let out a small squeak.

"Actually sweetness, I would have done much the same in that situation," he told her. "I just use humor as a way to cope with the stress of an active war zone. And we hadn't expected the Freelancer foot troops to be in the garage." Simmons gaped at the man on her lap who smiled wryly up at her. "Sorry, but even a white knight spills blood every now and then. And I'm far from being a white knight."

"Congratulations, you've traumatized my female counterpart," Rick drawled. Dex sat up and smirked at Rick.

"Aw come on, Rick. I traumatize everyone. She would have felt left out!" Rick groaned in disgust and turned away, much to Dex's amusement. Simmons questioned their sanity.

/*/

"Okay, how are you guys hurting a robot?" Sarge asked. Dex held up a finger while Eagle pointed to the screen.

" _I'm just awesome like that._ " Church stared at the screen.

"THE HECK!? Awesome would be _not_ feeling the hit!" he shouted. The Captains just chuckled. Even Caboose.

/*/

"HA! She even owned up to referencing Full Metal Alchemist! Gotta love lampshading."

"Chi... I think you finally have a solid answer to why regenengel3 gave you that reference sense."

"Gosh darn it!"

/*/

"Aw man!" Doc exclaimed, "I'm kinda sorry I missed that one," he said as the video ended.

"No you aren't," Chi said dryly. "Trust me on this one."

"Oh come on! All the RvB adventures I've been a part of have ended badly for me! I've been shot at, abandoned, possessed by _the_ rage A.I., yelled at, shot at, browbeaten, left behind, shot at, yelled at, beaten, and finally stuck _inside_ the fourth wall _and forgotten!_ Storming Freelancer HQ and wrecking havoc while a power-hungry, brainwashed, super agent is hunting me and the Mooks on base are trying to kill me is practically a _walk in the park_ in comparison!"

"..."

"..."

"... You win, Doc."

"Thank you. Have to win _some times,_ " the medic huffed.

/*/

Everyone but Project Red let out an impressed whistle. "You guys weren't kidding about the sass," Church said.

"I will never look at orange glitter the same way again," Simmons said solemnly.

"Grif! Why don't you ever..."

"Don't finish that sentence, Sarge," Dex cut in frigidly. Sarge wisely shut her mouth while Red edged away from the seething man.

"And now you've begun to traumatize Red's female counterpart. Wonderful," Rick drawled, rolling his eyes. Dex chuckled and shook his head.

"Like I said, I traumatize everyone. It's only a matter of time... and sometimes bullets. Or grenades. Or IEDs. Or blunt objects. Or sharp objects! Oo~! Pointy blunt objects that are _electrified!_ Gotta love those." Rick facepalmed and Eagle draped an arm around his shoulders.

"Just Dex," he said. Rick snorted.

"Does it make me a horrible teammate if I think Grif might be preferable?" he asked. Eagle hummed and gave Grif a good look over.

"Pretty, sassy, lazy, chick..." he shrugged. "I'd be cool with that."

"Feeling the love, Frankie. Feeling the love," Dex breathed dramatically. Eagle grinned. "Yeah, I _bet_ you're pleased!" The sniper chuckled and Dex glared. "I'm not _touchy_ , Pinkie Pie," he growled, "I'm melodramatic." All emotion drained from Eagle's face and in an instant, Dex's face was covered in glitter.

"Yeah... ya kinda asked for that one," Rick said, shaking his head at the sputtering man who was trying desperately to get the glitter off his face. The women laughed, even Grif, and Eagle nodded with a vaguely satisfied look. "Word to the wise, never call Eagle _anything_ referencing or implying the words 'pink' or 'gay,'" Rick told the laughing women, as well as Church, Tucker, and Caboose, "he _really_ doesn't take it well."

"Also, they got an example of what happens when Eagle goes monosyllabic," Captain Tucker said. Red chuckled.

"Oh no, that was Sassy Silent. Monosyllabic is something else entirely," he said.

"Yeah, don't you remember what he did to Greenie McJerkknife?" Rick asked. Remembering the incident... s... in question Captain Tucker went pale. "Yeah. This was nothing, trust me."

"Why are these guys so much more... deadly?" Tucker and Sarge asked together.

"Well, for one, we actually got training," Rick began.

"For another, we have over five years experience on ya," Red added.

"Son of a crazed, yak haired, sun-dried, cow-hand!" Dex exclaimed, finally getting the glitter from his mouth. "Medic override GC-2-44-1817!"

"Grk!" Eagle exclaimed as his armor turned rock hard and air was injected between the layers of his suit, further immobilizing him.

"Honestly, I'm not too sure _how_ we managed to reach Freelancer levels if bad-ass," Dex said after calming down, "but somewhere along the way, between fighting for each other instead of against and rebelling against orders, we did. And then we crash landed in a planet-wide civil war and our refined skills were polished to a deadly sheen before being tainted red with the blood of space pirates."

"I'm actually more impressed that you said that all with a straight face and a nonchalant tone. Anyone else feeling that?" Grif asked. Doughnut raised her hand while Simmons gaped at the man and Sarge...

"Are those stars in her eyes?" Dex asked, pointing to the woman.

"Yep," Eagle stated, a little freaked out.

"All in favor of _actually_ trying to get back to our own dimension?" Dex asked.

"Count me in," Rick said, eyeing Sarge warily.

"Uh huh," Captain Tucker said with a nod.

"Me too," Red called, raising his hand.

"Heck. Yes," drawled Eagle.

"Yes," stated Captain Caboose. "Wait. Where are we going?"

"Home," Dex declared.

"But... where is home?" Caboose asked.

"At the moment? Chorus. After we get that mess sorted?" the weapon's expert said before pausing with a contemplative look. "I'm not sure, we could end up anywhere really, but I'm holding out hope that we'll get back to Earth. Or at least somewhere with a beach and good surfing. Man, I miss riding the waves."

/*/

" **And that seems like as good a place to end it as any!** " regenengel3 called cheerfully. Doc gaped in disbelief.

"After all that, you're ending it _there?!_ " he asked in outrage.

" **Yep! Next time we check in, the Captains will find their way out of the Femme!World. Happy New Years everyone!** " regenengel3 said, waving cheerfully at the camera before the screen faded to black and Doc's frustrated ranting was covered by cheery sounding music.


	13. Show 12

*Once again, The Theme plays and The Booth comes into view. Doc is sitting behind the desk with his ever-present companion Insan... Oh, uh, I mean Chi. The little hologram sitting cross-legged on the desk to Doc's left and regenengel3's right. *

" **Ah, Beacon. So many wacky things that can and have gone down in those somehow pristine halls** ," the author remarked. Doc sighed.

"Judging from what regenengel3 said last time, welcome to the new year folks. I honestly have lost all track of time here, trapped in the fourth wall with only my thoughts and the... humor? Fragment of the Alpha A.I. based off of a grieving/mad scientist for company."

"I'm Chi, usually referred to as the Sarcastic One, Church," the A.I. said. "And I'm here to inform you that regenengel3 _still_ doesn't own a thing in regards to Red vs Blue, RWBY, or any other work referenced. She is doing this for her own enjoyment and if others enjoy these stories she's thought up all the better!"

"The last time we left Beacon, young Mr. Arc was a moaning wreck in the infirmary, Marley was out on a date with Butch, Emily was freaking out not only her remaining teammates but Butch's as well with SCIENCE! and the boys consequently ran like a horde of Beowoulfs were on their heels," Doc said.

"And now we're looking in on them for the..."

{Show 12: Birth of a Mad Medic}

"... as if they both weren't already," Chi drawled.

" **Shut up, you're little more than a plot device,** " regenengel3 snapped with little heat as The Booth's feed shrank down to reveal Beacon Academy in all it's glory.

/*/

Marley and Butch had enjoyed their date and made plans for another with the understanding that school, safety, and missions came before their personal plans. "Someone's happy," Caleb remarked after the fifth time the woman began humming 'Whispers in the Dark.'

"Butch had a crush on me as well and we have plans for further dates," Marley informed her teammate. "Why wouldn't I be happy? Ya take it where ya can, savvy?" Jay laughed while Caleb shook his head in resignation.

"Yeah, alright," he allowed. "You ready for our first mission?"

"Heck yeah!" Marley called, picking up both her weapons.

"Still haven't picked a favorite?" Emily asked, checking the Dust level in her weapon. Marley shrugged helplessly.

"How can I pick when they're both so awesome?" she asked. The boys shared a look and a shrug. Who were they to talk?

/*/

"Easy. You guys don't have two weapons!" Chi barked.

" **Totally my fault there,** " regenengel3 admitted. " **I didn't have a clear thought as to what her weapon would be when I started writing and then I liked both ideas I came up with and... yeah.** " The two men stared at her. " **Stop that. You should know by now I'm slightly insane.** " Having no answer to this, Doc and Chi turned back to Beacon.

/*/

As a newer team, JEMC was partnered with another rookie team. When they saw Marley, two of them screamed and hid behind the other two, who were distinctly unamused. "What's with them?" Caleb asked. Jay shrugged.

"I mean, I know Marley and Em can be scary, but that's only when they're in _SCIENCE!_ mode. Which they aren't," he said.

"Y-you survived the Mad Medic in _SCIENCE!_ mode?" one of the hiding boys asked, peeking around the much smaller and _quite_ unamused form of his teammate.

"How?" the other asked. Jay and Caleb slowly turned to a mildly sheepish Marley. And when they called her 'mildly sheepish' they meant 'we can only tell she's a little embarrassed because we've been stuck with her for months.'

"Marley?" they asked dryly. If they hadn't been looking, they wouldn't have caught the tiny flinch. "Care to explain?"

"Well, you see..." Marley started before she clammed up. Emily sighed and stepped up, putting an arm around her shoulders.

"You remember when you heard what her Semblance was?" the other Combat Medic asked, looking the boys in the eyes and holding her best friend close. The pair nodded, twin shivers running down their backs at the memory of _that day_. "Well, back then... the bullies... they..." Emily took a deep breath and closed her eyes with a pained expression. "They weren't _completely_ wrong. See, Marley didn't have the kind of control over her Semblance she does now so sometimes... sometimes her emotions leaked out. Sometimes, she made others feel exactly like she did. Other times... other times she amplified their emotions, dialing them up to eleven. And then there were the times where she... well. It's hard to explain but, it was like she... _absorbed_ their emotions. Those were the times she'd go a little... _weird_. Even after she was accepted into the medic program, where we became friends, Marley's Semblance would act up at times. Especially during a battle. The Grimm are drawn to negative emotion, right? What do you think happens when a team of Hunters-in-Training get their emotions jacked up during a mission?"

"Yikes," Jay said with a wince.

"Yeah but... Mad Medic?" Caleb asked.

"Yes. Marley didn't like it when she messed with others emotions, courtesy of her bullies, so she tried to draw her Semblance in when on a mission. Unfortunately, she would get so focused on drawing in the emotions she felt that..."

"She drew in the emotions of those around her as well," Jay finished with wide eyes. Caleb winced at the thought of holding all that in.

"Exactly. And when that happened, and Grimm attacked..." Emily said, trailing off meaningfully. The boys looked down, suddenly finding their boots endlessly fascinating.

"I went full Berserker," Marley said softly. "All that fear and anticipation and anger, even a bit of outright _blood lust_... it was too much. I had to let it out. But I thought... I didn't think my team could handle it all so..." she took a deep breath and forced her head back up, straightening her back. "I let it out against the Grimm. They're not really effected by my Semblance, so I channeled it all through myself. My Blade Tonfa, to be exact. And I laughed. The mist and stench of disintegrating Grimm filled the clearing and my arms burned and scratches littered my body and everything hurt but I just kept swinging and laughing. I... don't really remember much about those times, when I allowed my Semblance to overwhelm me, but I do remember the laughing and the exhilaration. That's why they called me mad."

/*/

"Dang, regenengel3. Did you have to give her such a disturbing story?"

" **Chi... this wasn't what I had planned three months ago. This wasn't in my plans at all.** " Doc turned to the author.

"Regenengel3... if this wasn't in your outline..." She snorted at the trapped medic.

" **I honestly don't have an outline for this story, Doc. It's why I haven't written anything for it since the middle of March. It's why I haven't posted since New Years Eve, 2017. But I know what you're asking. 'Why is it her story** _ **now**_ **?' right?** " Doc swallowed, clearly uncomfortable, and nodded. " **It's because I was feeling guilty for leaving this story alone for so long, I've been on a Percy Jackson kick, and her Semblance was a perfect excuse for her have two names; the Surgeon of Death and the Mad Medic. It also explains why she prefers the Surgeon of Death moniker. She doesn't like being reminded of what her Semblance made her into as recently as two years ago.** "

"But... wasn't she okay with putting Caleb into a state of frozen calm a few minutes after they'd talked about her bullies and turned her into an insecure mess?" Chi asked. Regenengel3 shrugged.

" **I'm thinking it was because Emily had gone into SCIENCE mode and Marley's control was slipping so she caught the science bug and then, because they were on the same wavelength, so to speak, Marley's Semblance created something like a feedback loop which drove them both even deeper into Mad Scientist territory. Also, my attempt at an example of how Marley's Semblance could be applied while also trying to write a humorous one-shot. Which this one isn't going to be because RvB Backstory Syndrome is a thing and Marley White just got hit with it in the RWBY universe. Go figure.** "

"Man, I have that Syndrome," Doc muttered darkly. Regenengel3 winced, remembering when the purple armored medic got hit with that very syndrome only a few days after landing in Blood Gulch.

"Tell me about it," Chi groused. Doc chuckled.

"When this show is over, we'll compare backstories," he said. "Regenengel3 gave me one harsh history."

" **Well excuse me for trying to give you some depth and a reason for being a pacifist!** " the aforementioned author huffed.

"That what happened to the Grifs? And Doughnut?" Doc asked.

" **The Reds have partial backstory provided by Roosterteeth. Not completely my fault.** "

"Wait... go back. What was does Percy Jackson have to do with this version of Marley's Mad Medic back story?" Chi asked.

" **Mr. D, Greek god of wine and madness. My first thought was to have her drive her team insane with anger and blood-lust, kinda like Mr. D might have back in the old days. Then the whole idea of her getting driven mad by her own power came to me and I was like 'why not?' So... yeah.** " Neither man could think of anything to say to that, so they turned back to Beacon where Emily had picked the story back up.

/*/

"Yeah, and then you'd walk over to your pack, all scratched up and covered in blood and grit, with a grin on your face. Then you'd pull out your med kit, spread it out, and turn to the rest of the team and say, 'the doctor will see you now~!' like some thing from the dark side of Wonderland," Emily said with a shake of her head. Marley flushed and looked back down.

"I'd still be riding high on adrenaline and what emotions the fight didn't let me vent," she said in an attempt to defend herself. Emily chuckled blandly, shaking her head.

"Doesn't change the fact that you looked mildly deranged, at best," she pointed out.

"They called you mad too," Marley said with a pout. Emily just threw back her head and laughed.

"That's because I am!" she said. "I'm a certified genius, a medical prodigy, your best friend, I sing opera while conducting field surgery without anesthetic because it was too expensive to use outside of school, I love psycho-analyzing others, and if you've ever seen me with a patient you know that I describe their various injuries cheerfully and in great detail. How could they _not_ call me mad?" Jay and Caleb shared pained looks.

"Why'd we have to end up with the psycho chick?" Jay asked.

"Because Ozpin is a troll and she happened to be the first person to look into my eyes when we got launched into the forest," Caleb drawled.

"Oh yeah. Stupid partner rule..." Jay muttered. Caleb clapped a hand on his shoulder in a show of support while their temporary back-up(or was JEMC the back up, since they had two medics/doctors/surgeons?... man were Marley and Emily over qualified for their age...) exchanged worried glances. This could only end in tears, they just knew it.

/*/

Lucky for the unnamed team, the mission was a success. Unluckily, they got banged up pretty bad and had to be treated by _both_ Mad Medics. Jay and Caleb sat on the other side of the ship and snickered at the suffering of their temporary teammates. "If you'd stop squirming maybe it wouldn't hurt as much!"

"I'd rather if you just put a plaster on it and let the doctors at Beacon finish it."

"Young man I am a doctor and if you continue to be difficult I will list myself as your _primary medical practitioner_ , am I understood?"

"Yes ma'am!"

"Um... Emily... Would you... please stop... why Avia Maria?"

Oh yeah, and the 'banter' between the doctors and the patients was rather amusing too. "So glad we didn't need stitches," Jay whispered to Caleb, who nodded.

"Way more fun on this end."

"Oh most certainly."

"You boys are getting full check ups as soon as we're dismissed from the briefing."

"Yes ma'am, Dr. White!" both Caleb and Jay said, snapping a salute. Marley nodded, then frowned at the boy under her hand who was trying to edge away.

"On no you don't," she growled as her hand began to glow a faint silver. A moment later and the boy's eyes were glassy, as though he were a few seconds away from passing out.

"Is that... Frozen Calm?" Caleb asked, leaning forward slightly. Marley nodded with a pained expression.

"Yes. I can't hold it for long due to his previous panicked state, but it'll hold long enough for me to finish my work," she said, already setting her needle back to the boy's skin.

"That's what she tried to use on you when she wanted to figure out how your Semblance effected your muscles, right?" Jay asked. Caleb nodded.

"Yeah. At the time it was terrifying but seeing it now... yeah it's a little creepy but... I can see how it's helpful," he said. Jay nodded his understanding. When Marley sat back and released her pateint from her Frozen Calm, the boys noticed she looked a little winded. "Hey... when you said you couldn't hold it for long... did you mean the more panicked someone is, the more energy it takes to put them into such a calm state they nearly pass out?"

"Yes. I'm going to be a little weak and sleepy for a while," Marley said, leaning against the bulkhead. "Would you wake me when we land?"

"Sure thing, Dr. White," Jay said with a warm smile. Marley gave him a wan smile of gratitude before slipping down down a nap. Jay got up and sat beside her, lifting her head onto his lap and tugging her Scroll out of her pocket.

"What are you doing?" Caleb asked warily.

"Sending a text to Flowers, asking if he's on campus," Jay answered softly, thumb tapping away at the screen. Not long after, they got a reply from the sniper asking when their ship would land. Grinning, Jay asked him to meet them at the docks in roughly half an hour. Caleb chuckled and shook his head.

"I hope she appreciates this because if she doesn't... well. You do realize we share a room, right?"

"Totally worth the risk, Caleb. Totally worth it," Jay countered, smiling down at the young woman resting on his lap. Caleb smiled and couldn't help but agree. Emily was nearly squealing in the corner.

"I just love family fluff~!" she squee-ed. The boy she'd been treating rolled his eyes.

"How do you know it's family and not a love square?" he asked.

"Have you not been listening? They called her boyfriend and told her to rest. Classic Big Brother behavior."

/*/

" **And that's a wrap for this one! Also, spotted a mistake in one of my previous end notes. 'Before He Cheats' is actually by Carrie Underwood. Whoops! Sorry Carrie! I'm just really bad with my musicians, especially when I'm not the biggest fan of their genre.** "

"You do know she's not going to read this, right?"

" **Thought that counts, Chi. Thought that counts. Anyway, next time I post (no clue when, sorry!) we'll be looking in on the former Agent Louisian AKA Louie as he makes things go BOOM!** "

"I'm scared."

"When it comes to big booms... most people are, Doc."

"Too bad regenengel3 doesn't seem to be 'most people.'"

"Yeah... but at least we're in the Fourth Wall Booth."

"Huh. Good point."


End file.
